First Blogg..

Decided i would do a wee blog whilst i'm away just to keep people who are interested informed on how i'm getting on out theree..It'll be more about my thoughts and stuff rather than what i'm doing but i'm sure there will be a bit of that too..i will try to keep it as positive as i can..hahaa..

One week today i will be there in Sugarcreek..I am excited but it doesnt seem like the right word, and i am scared as well but thats maybe not quite right either..Maybe..anticipating change..I'm so ready for it..i need to change and i can't wait..I've decided my theme for the trip is going to be 'Moving On | Change' hahahaa...obviously a drama student like..But i need to move on from so much stuff. The hurt, some of which i have caused, i hold no pretense that i am the innocent victem in anything, the broken relationships, some of which i reallllyyy wana fix!i miss people!but if its not right then it'll be good to move on from the destructive ones..

I was reading my bible the other night, something which i have fallen out of the habit of doing since Leeds, but i was reading in Isiah 43:18-19 and it sayss "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!". This is like my tagline for going away.. I dont think i should forget the past cause thats very much a part of me but i CANNOT dwell on it anymore..i have such a habit of dwelling, i enjoy wallowing in pity, loathing and jealousy and thats all well and good but i am better than that..hahaa..A new thing is happening..i love the simplistic language.."see I am doing a new thing".. see?!?!..I really fell out with God the past two years, particularly from the summer till mid December..I'm quite good at humanising our relationship and i really was in a little huff with Him..but i cant dwell on that either..cause there's gonna be a new thing..and its gonna be unreal son..

I love Leeds, it really has become my second home..I love the people and the enegry.But its so hedonistic. Bangor is soo much about pleasing other people and making sure everyone is happy and IGNORING all tension rather than confronting it and being honest about how you feel..it is ok to be angry! it winds me up although i love it so much...But Leeds is just about doing what feels good now, pleasures of the flesh..I've seen, and maybe done odd things whilst i've been there and although i wouldnt change it because i refuse to have regrets, its still strange to me..Untill about a month ago i think i had ignored  it because its so easy to do..Especially in Leeds, where i am accountable to no one!!But i dont wana do it anymore..The world is heading in a sick direction and (and not in a good way lol ingleby!!!) it needs to change..so like Ghandi...Be the change you want to see in the world..haha thats what im gonna do..I'm not gonna be good at it at all but i fully intend on trying..

However i cant do that the way i am now..so, Ohio is my starting point..first i have to change myself to be someone i actually like..someone filled with love and hope and faith!!hahaa..yess..

So this last week in N.I is just about preparing myself..getting readyy..lots to do..hahaa..woo

My plan is to give it all up..and follow the big plan..cause there is one you know!!One of the most beautiful people i know always says "everything happens for a reason" and she is soo right....

 'i saw something beautiful today' are words from a song.
☀