i need You more in my head and in my heart
i need more Jesus in my thoughts and my actions
i need you
as in, without you, its nothing..
i need you

Christmas is great
but the day after when you realise that you are no happier despite all of the stuff
is a brilliant reminder that stuff is not satisfying

celebrities cherish the mundane
because they have so much more and know that it doesn't make them happier

there is a striving in your heart for eternity
that will not be filled by stuff that will rot and decay,

we clutter our lives
we don't know what it is to rely on God
he has not saved us from anything so we don't know him as our SAVE-iour
we don't appreciate and we can exist by doing things ourselves
but to live like we are alive in Christ, to know joy and peace we must be broken
a heart or a life that has not been broken is useless
because it will still be ruled by selfish emotions and motives
it has not been shown how sinful and how flawed it is
it has not been made aware that it cannot go on independently

do you have any idea how blessed you are?

pray for change
pray for our leaders and our government
pray for the hearts to be broken of those who can do something

i'm not sure that its healthy, as a christian, to only have christian friends

where is your fruit?

where are the relationships in which you have to live in love and point to Christ?

why are there no "non-christians" at your events?

and why, if they do come..do they feel uncomfortable?

why are they stared at?

how come we don't know how to talk to them?

we either force God down their throat or we don't mention it at all.....

why is there no middle ground?

why isn't it blatantly obvious who you love and what you live for?

where is your witness?

how come your life isn't evangelical?

how come your willing to let these people go to hell?

why don't we want to plant seeds in peoples hearts?

if we could be remembered as a friendly face an open arms with a obvious peace and prayerful attitude that when life was rough, we were a picture of the sturdiness of Christ to those who don't know him?

choose to be joyful

sticky wall

you know at the fairground, the sticky wall
you all stand round the inside of a big metal circle..and its starts to spin
its spins so fast the the floor moves away but you don't move
your stuck by the centrifugal force or something
thats like me to Jesus right now
i'm stuck to him,
no matter how fast everything spins
and even if the floor falls away
his love holds me fast to him
i'm helpless to it

the worry the fear the doubt the dread the debt the deadlines the bills the rent the appointments made and appointments missed the weight the hope the dreams the aspirations the desires the plans the future the past the hurt the pain the broken hearts and broken minds the lost and the losing the down and outs the system the trapped the mute the silenced the ones who have screamed till their voice is hoarse the babies the old the path we're headed down the problem the search the pressure the cure the fix the fury the unbelief the missed the missing the need the helpless the girl the boy the grief the power and the lack of the wretched the cast out the tomorrow the next generation the relationship the image the self the job or the lack of the price the jealousy the situation the anger

let it go
it isn't about you
every season every place physical or mental you find yourself is about the glory of God
you aren't in control

Job 38

give it up

solidarity
1cornth10v23
"if one part suffers...every part suffers with it...if one part is honoured all the parts are glad..."
i hate not being able to help
but i promise i will stand with you, shoulder to shoulder, knees bent in prayer with you
i will talk to the King about it
i will laugh with you
i will praise with you
we boast in Christ and i boast with you
its about Him not us
always

you spoke and it was
at one point it wasn't and then..you spoke it..and it was
you created
you created the tools to create
you work in atoms and in mountain ranges
creating sunsets and souls
spinning tales of relationships and family
and you intervened
a flood and a cross
blood spilled
you loved
and you smile with me

to be alone with you

its been a really hectic couple of days, hence the lack of blogs..
but tonight i'm home alone, on the sofa with my duvet, a huge mug of tea and some chocolate..my essays are done and i'm off tomorrow and on friday i fly home and get to see my mum.
im warm and comfy and i was watching the xfactor final but i've just turned it off,
because i realised in these past couple of days, when i've been tired and burned out, ill and stressed..i haven't spent half as much time with my Saviour as i should have done..
and it hasn't been good
i will always struggle with people, but i struggle alot more when i'm tired
and last night i felt like there was a distance between me and God;
even though i know he never leaves me
last night when i was having some prayer time, it didn't feel like he was there..
i didn't like it
i was praying but it felt like i may as well have been talking to my pillow
so i got a bit cheeky; i said to God, like Jacob in Genesis 32
i won't leave this place untill you bless me..
and God revealed something to me,
i had put something above him in my heart and that was why it felt different..
i had let a seed of bitterness take root; when i was tired and agitated, i was more hurt by something that i should have been..and rather than forgive it and move on..i fed it with venomous thoughts and angry words and let it grow.
i put my own hurt feelings above God
it put a wall between me and Jesus
we have to really ask God to search our hearts and show us sin that we don't realise
it's hard dealing with our faults but we need to
we have to apologise and we have to ask for forgiveness
i am so amazed by grace when God shows me the dark crevices of my heart and loves me through it
Jill tweeted the other day 'Jesus is my best friend'
and its as simple as that..
i don't want anything to come between us
and tonight as i'm cuddled up on the sofa..it's him i want to spend time with
i'm not sure what the point of this blog really is..
but i know sometimes God does feel distant and you can't work out why
ask him to show you
ask him to call your heart to him
ask him to give you a desire to spend time with him
live in grace and not condemnation
be a cheerleader
love

prayer is a privilege
i think because we talk about it so much it has become normalised
but it isn't normal 
it is precious 
and i think if we viewed it as something that we should be honoured to do, 
to talk to God, tell him about our day, thank him, give our troubles to him
despite how infinitely holy he is, he still desires direct contact from us
if we realised how absolutely hallowed it was
we would treasure it..
if we could change our attitude that it is something that as a christian we have to do,
to one of cherishing time with our creator
it would be alot easier to make time for it


Matthew6v14
"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do"


woah.

on tuesdays sometimes when your shoulders ache from the weight of the world,
your heart hurts for the people you miss,
your head beats a tattoo of to do lists into your temples
you feel like you have mould growing in your lungs
and you wana sleep until march 7th
God is, in a very real way..your comfort




Isaiah12v1

"And you will say in that day, "I thank you, God. You were angry but your anger wasn't forever. You withdrew your anger and moved in and comforted me..."

you're delivered

"you were bought at a price; do not become slaves to men.."
1Corinth7v23
rather become a slave by God
be dominated by his love
be controlled by his sacrifice for you
be under the authority of his word
submit to his will
be identified by his ownership of you
be aware that you are his possession
fall in love with his supremacy
serve his grace
be a captive of his joy
be a victim of his mercy
be in debt to him
be a prisoner of his plan
toil for his hope
ask for his permission
be reliant on him for everything
be a representative of his family
you are conscripted into his army
forced to spend time with him
persist for his name
a hostage to heaven
dependant on his peace
ruled by the call to share him
because he paid for you

In the old testament they had to make loads of different kind of offerings,

but started reading in Leviticus today about peace offerings

Jesus wasn't only the offering for our sin, but for our peace as well

it is now readily available.

it does not lie on our shoulders, nor at the end of our fingertips because it has nothing to do with us,

the peace is found only in him, 

nothing or no one else would sacrifice themselves for your peice of mind, for that calm, so don't expect to find it in anything or anyone

and flip me it is easy to be in love with someone who died for you

and Jesus took her by the hand and said "little girl, get up..

brush yourself off, and keep on keeping on

i promise to hold your hand every step of the way

i promise to pick you up each time you fall down

at 2am when you can't sleep i will be there because you are mine

sometimes i will pull you up my the shoulders, because you enjoy wallowing in misery a little too much..

you sinned but i paid for it so move on.

sometimes i will drag you forward by the wrist, away from the past..despite how much you like it here i have better things

sometimes i will stand in between you and what you want and i will ask you to trust me

and sometimes i will put my bum in the dirt beside you to try and help you see why we are staying in this season for a while, to show you the things i am trying to teach you, to open your eyes to the purpose around you

i will slow your racing heart and calm your violent thoughts with the love that i have for you
i will hide you and you will be safe because i am far mightier than the things you dread

and when you sleep i rejoice over you with singing.."

it isn't impossible to love everyone
even that person that just rubs you up the wrong way and even when they open their mouth you just wana smack them
if you see them at their most vulnerable, if you could see their dreams inside their head or if you knew the one sentence that they pray over and over again because they want it so bad
if you saw them have an awkward exchange with a stranger
if you could see the cracks in their heart
if you asked God to help you
if he opened your eyes to their insecurities and got over your own pre-conceptions and previous hurts
if you spent some time alone with them and if you could be honest and tell them to put the act away,
then i think you could love anyone

joy is your best friend bringing you home Reeses Peices from the only shop in leeds that sells them
joy is chai tea when its raining outside
your mum putting you on loudspeaker to talk to the dog
listening to music on your ipod while walking somewhere
singing the both parts of the elephant love medly all the way home for your flatmate
reading a verse that is so relevant it freaks you out
knowing someone is thinking about you
waking up to a warm house and pyjama's on the radiator for when you get out of the shower at night
when something clicks and you are so aware that God has a plan
not being afraid

be joyful
i spent time with people today who literally have nothing
lads who will spend christmas in prison
teenage mums with zero support
the homeless
i was humbled
i was embarrassed that i moan when my house is cold.
be joyful because you are blessed abundantly
aside from the fact you have a father in heaven that loves you beyond anything that you deserve or could earn, you are reading this on the internet, on a electronic device that makes you one of the highly advantaged in the world.

i am so blessed
i have amazing friends and an amazing relationship
i have everything my heart could ever want and more
i am loved and cherished and have the opportunity to love others

sometimes i could just cry with how spoilt i am in Jesus

to make a muscle stronger it must be exercised.
i asked God to grow in me peace
so he shook my world up and then whispered '...but i am here, find peace in me'
i asked God to teach me joy
so he made me want to cry and smiled '...i am with you, find joy in me'
i asked God to show me grace
so he brought me the person who hurts me continually and told me '....they are mine, love them like i do'
i asked God to take my whole heart
so he broke it and cried with me '....i will put it back together in a way in which i am first'
i asked God to make me strong
so he gave me more than i thought i could handle and commanded '...i am your strength'
i asked God to help me to make time for him
so he filled my diary and questioned '...am i worth it?'
i asked God to give me an obedient spirit
so he requested at little more than i was willing to give and demanded '...obey'


when you ask something of God, he will put in positions in which your human nature wants the exact opposite of what you asked for..so that the muscle is stretched and is forced to grow stronger.