here's what I've been learning

stop trying to get better
even if you do, its still not good enough
there is NOTHING you can do to make God love you
nothing.
there is nothing you can do to keep his love once you have it either
he loves you
that will not change
you're his favourite
he loves you more than anyone could ever possibly
he is IN  love with you
and even if you read your bible every day and talk to the smelly kid and pray for 3 hours
he will still love you
even if you're doing lines of coke off a strippers stomach
he will still love you the exact same

don't just do something, sit there
not because you have to
but to fall in love with someone you must spend time with them
and then you will want to know more
we have taken what should be a beautiful relationship and reduced it to reading your bible, asking for forgiveness and being nice.
that is filthy rags to my God

here's a challenge
sit.
thank God for his love and ask him to show you more
do not list what you need forgiven for, its already done
do not pray for friends
do not read a challenging passage
do not tell God what you want
just thank him

falling in love implies no conscious action
whoops i slipped into love
I'm abseiling into love
its terrifying
and i feel very far from solid ground
but i trust in the one I'm falling in love with

then read the Gospels...
there is nothing about the Gospels that encourage me to focus on myself
think about what Jesus has done for you and not what you can do for him.
cause you can't do anything.

i have been shocked by dishonesty among friends
by downright lies and lies of omission
no relationship can ever grow in this infertile soil
get over yourself
you are not as important as you think you are
force people to rely on Jesus and not on you
walk in truth
bear with people

I've been working alot..and its great, I'm so glad of the money and i do enjoy it but it means i don't have much of a social life and if I'm honest i kinda like this...means alot of Jesus time and not very much time spent with joy stealer's...
i miss ohio alot, i miss community and honesty and people who know who they are in Christ and are not fake.
there seems to be alot of that going round at the minute.......
God is so superior its amazing, bringing people into my life who i know are going to be of great importance to me in my future..its kinda strange but amazing..i know i have nothing to fear at all.

Ive been reading John with no commentary, just reading..
i love reading but i spend alot more time reading books christian and non-christian, than the bible..so trying to change that..
and its got me so hooked on Jesus....I'm just amazed by his humility and love
i want to live that.