a little blown away

you chose the cross
you chose me


so you looked at me,
in all my sin and all the crap..all the baggage
and the broken heart and the mistakes and the shame
and thought
'i want her
all of her'

but satan had his hands around me
his nails digging in my arm
'it'll cost you'

so you wept and you sweat
and you chose death, horrific, final, seperating, heart stopping, agonizing death
for me
'your mine'

you chose it
you chose me
you planned out a life for me
you know when i wake up in the morning

you put me back together
rebuilt my heart in such a way
with an infinite gaping hole in the middle
a hole that could only be filled with an infinite God with an infinite love
'she's perfect'

paid my debt
redemption


good greif.

"what would happen if an unstoppable force hit an immovable object?"

always hear this question in movies

recently found out the answer

it would never happen,

if there is such a thing as an unstoppable force, there cannot be an immovable object and vice versa...

God = unstoppable force

that means there is no such thing as an immovable object,

there is nothing you cannot overcome with him

nothing. 

panic

last week i had a panic
last monday night actually
i freaked out because in 4 months i finish university, and i know what God wants me to do with my life, but i'm not sure when or how.
I'm not sure what to do when i graduate
it's a trust issue
God i know you have a plan, but i want to know what that plan is
like that will make a difference.
so i prayed..make me trust you.
tuesday morning, i slept in.
i had to be in Bradford at 9:30
it takes two hours to get there
i woke up at 8:30
nightmare
i rushed to get ready and phoned a taxi to take me to the train station,
it was gonna be 20 minutes for a taxi
i was going to be an hour late
i was standing on the street waiting for the taxi praying out loud like a crazy person
that the train would be delayed or the traffic wouldn't be bad
taxi arrived,
chatty taxi man...nightmare..
i explained i had slept in and was late..
he was like oh, how much is your train..i said 6quid..
he said and its 5 pounds to the station yea?
i said yea..
he said, "i'll take you to Bradford for 11 quid.."
i nearly kissed him
i arrived at 9:30 on the dot.

as i sat in the office and waited for the people i was meeting to arrive,
i heard
"i've got this morning, down to the very last minute and the chatty taxi driver, 
i've got the rest of this year.
trust me..."

thank God for sleeping in.

first love - alm uk

my highest call
my greatest cause is loving you
your perfect love has won my heart
now i am yours
your sacrifice demands my life
and i will live to honour
your Holy name
the price you paid
and so i sing
your my first love,
your my true love
your my reason
you are why i breathe
i will give you my devotion, all of me

you chose the cross
you chose me
surrendered your life
you chose me
though i did not deserve
you chose me

so i choose to love you
just as you chose me
and i put you first
as you first loved me
ill treasure your grace as you died for me

joy

this joy goes deeper than having wet socks and shoes
it covers the extreme annoyance when your alarm goes of at 6am
it means that in no matter you what you do or say its done with a smile
it is not defeated by feelings or emotions
they exist but are submissive to this joy
this joy is heavenly
it is the joy of the knowledge that nothing on this earth holds me
that the purpose of my life is eternal
that i am microscopic in this is vast galaxy but i am loved
this is the joy given by the maker
this is the joy that flows from love
it is evident and obvious
it causes people to look at you a bit funny
it is peace
this is joy

2012

so its been a year, nearly
since i started this blog and this journey
the new years before this one, i spent in a pub in town, drunk..stole multiple decorations from the place, because we think we are proper hilarious and spent the first day of 2011 hungover and unhappy after year of continual disappointments, mostly of myself and perpetual heartbreak
this new years eve, i invited people to my house...more people came than i thought i knew and when they left, while i was cleaning up..i cried..
i felt loved
loved with a love that was not human..loved by people who i had been deeply afraid of
people that had seen me the previous year being evicted from the local Chinese takeaway drunk after a night out
they had seen me at a low and walked with me to where i am
and i mean, walked with me
2011 was the best year of my life without a doubt and from what i know of my God..
it can only get better from here