the goodness of my God

the past few mornings i haven't been getting up early enough to spend time with God before work or before I go to the library...
this morning, i slept in and was late for work
that's how much God wants me to spend time with him, enough to make me late for work
tomorrow, i will make time first thing


he is jealous for me
jealous
do you get what that means?like he's gonna get pissy if you make other stuff more important than him!
he wants to be the first person i spend time with in the morning, and i want him to be too
sometimes i lack the discipline, and in that i am thankful for grace!cause it makes no difference to how much he loves me
but cause Jesus is the most important thing, in my life..i want him to be the first thing on my mind when i wake up
i want my first interaction to be with him so all my other interactions are coloured with him
if he is the most important thing in your life, he should get the most effort


and when your having one of those days, where you have a short attention span and keep walking into things and making a mess..
just stop, get some paper and a pen and pray
he is jealous that your not making time for him
and he's gonna keep distracting you untill you do

last night was at the homeless ministry from our church, it's called Streetwise and it's ran by an incredible woman called Alison Beckwith and they've partnered with the hotel i work at, to provide sandwiches and soup for the ministry one Thursday a month..


so i just spent some time there, just hanging out..playing ping pong
met a guy who used to be in the army and was stationed in Northern Ireland in Tyrone, now he's homeless
met a guy who may need his leg amputated because he's been sleeping rough so long
met some young lads who have run away..


and then they left, they get something to eat, have a chat and leave
then i got really angry
homelessness, famine..world issues like KONY2012...child soldiers, sex trafficking...
what the frick?


like i just don't get it...God made us this beautiful world and filled it with beautiful amazing people and we wrecked it
we broke some of the hearts he gave us
the night after i watched the KONY video i had to sleep on my bedroom floor because i felt horrifically guilty that i have a bed
and we have the cheek to ask God how he let this happen?
how did YOU let this happen??
i don't get it and i don't know what i'm meant to do with these feelings


when did we get so damn apathetic toward need?
as a human race when did we get ok with it?
and now, how do we fix it?

i am sure the answer is the local church, community, family...


but sometimes it doesn't help my heavy heart, i spend time with those people, i show them they are valued by serving them, by getting them a cup of tea because they are so so precious to my God
but how are they meant to believe me when they walk out the door, back to the street to be abused by drunk people coming out of nightclubs at 3am?

fuzzyhead

sometimes i get a fuzzy head, i don't always work out whats wrong right away but i just feel like i wana go back to bed, get really frustrated easily and it all kind of clicked when it was Easter and i was reading about the crucifixion in Mark and read this verse in chapter 14v38
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. 
The spirit is willing, but the body is weak"


and i realised that my flesh wants one thing, but my spirit wants something else - the Godly thing
and so its like an inside turmoil and the wolf you feed is the wolf that wins
if you feed your fleshly and worldly desires, they will win because they grow stronger
but we have to feed our spirit, with time along with Jesus..even if you can't say anything cause your head is fuzzy
get a spirit of agreement, so that your flesh is disciplined and your spirit wins
watch - reflect on the things you do and the things that frustrate you

my spirit is strong but when my flesh starts to win it doesn't look good on me

when i start to walk in what my flesh wants, i get grumpy quickly because i know in my heart that i'm not walking the path God wants me too

the greater joy lies in what God has for you, even though sometimes it takes blind faith and courage to walk into that because it isn't what you expected joy would look like in your life