home is where ever i'm with You

spoilt rotten

where i live there is a LARGE christian community..
there are a lot of churches and a lot of church goers
the divide between christians and non christians is worse than chalk and cheese..
more like cheese and a unicorn.
neither crosses into the others territory
if there is a meeting across the great divide its 'coffee' in which we ask a series of patronizing and meaningless questions which neither encourage, inspire nor point toward Christ
because the chasm of supposed principles is never crossed, us 'christians' are rarely challenged
rarely questioned
rarely humiliated
rarely forced to fight for our beliefs
to fight for our rights to believe in whatever we want
and this has lead to spoilt rotten christians
there is no community because it is not necessary,
inter-church divides are absolutely accepted because you may as well
we do not have to fight for one another
because you don't have to
we don't have to be held accountable
if someone challenges you, you move on to another group, another clique
some of what i have witnessed this summer had brought me and several friends to the realization that it is very easy to be a christian in Bangor, it is very hard to love Jesus in Bangor
reminded me why i found it oh so difficult to be a 'Christian' here
a severe lack of commitment that leaves every body emotionally drained
a draw to celebrity and popularity like a moth to a light.
take heed that the moth dies
we are not loyal to anyone
we become obsessed with one or two or a group
we put them on a pedestal
we raise them in some kind of sick social ladder
and more often than not they don't feel the same level of 'friendship'
which leads to jealousy, pettiness and possessive behavior when new friends are made or old friends are remembered
we are not loyal because we don't have to be
we are lazy
we lie and cheat
we judge actions without finding out the feelings behind them
we are jealous and insecure
we bitch
we condemn and label
we pick and choose
we choose favorites
we choose the crush
stop taking eachother for granted
appreciate the friends you have
WORK ON RELATIONSHIPS
a facebook comment is not a relationship
and when it is not back up by love or an effort it is meaningless
grow together
grow in Christ
there is no social standing
all are equal
all are fallen
all are loved
remember the bigger picture
having a social calender that is enviable is not the goal
we are not here to have fun
we are here to love God and love people.
fight for eachother

my priorities were becoming slightly selfish
my time, my life, my dreams
nu uh.
Jesus, all for Jesus...all i am, all i have and all i ever hope to be..
80 years here is nothing compared to the eternity that awaits you and the scary thing is that it is entirely in your hands where you go, how you spend it and the rewards you will gain there
the souls of the non christians are also on our heads...
be obediant in the nudge you feel from God to share your faith and share your Jesus.
i don't want my friends to go to hell.

a reminder

i could be more disappointed in people right now but it would be difficult..

lack of loyalty
lack of commitment
lack of integrity
lack of love...

a reminder that God is my rock, all other ground is sinking sand.

my lungs expand with His praise

i'm lying with my head on Jesus' knee, crying and crying and he just strokes my hair and lets me sob..


FEAR GOD....
He controls everything!so it should come pretttyyy easily
respect the maker of the universe
respect his daughters and sons

"God wrecked my heart for him...."
absolutely crushed it
and i thank him every day for it
he ruined alcohol for me
spending money on clothes has lost its appeal
i'm waiting for heaven and i cant take a suitcase
nights out are hilarious, if you know my friends...
but only as a treat...can't hack the pace
i spend nights in and thats ok
i need Jesus time after a day with the general public
i've lost a lot of friends
its hard, but i trust God completely cause i've gained several keepers
i'm not willing to share my heart with anyone yet, no one compares to my King..
single for Jesus....seriously

so in short, God not only wrecked my heart but my life....

HALLELUJAH
it wasn't mine anyway

i

i feel like i just....
and thats my problem..             I


most commonly used phrases:
i think
i feel
i want
i just
i need
i know



what i think?
is sinful, my mind is paranoid and delusional...thoughts must be held captive.

how i feel?
doesn't matter. Jesus knows and has experienced how i feel so my feelings don't work as a bargaining chip. i will learn to be joyful in EVERYTHING

what i want?
is bad for me.always.

i just?
i just should be thankful alot more and winge about less

i need?
Jesus. nothing else.

i know?
nothing


What God thinks is pure and lovely.
He feels a wider range of emotions than is humaly possible, all of them good, and all based in true love for me.
He wants me, all of me, the good and the bad, completely and totally, for all of eternity.
He just is. makes no sense but perfect sense.
He needs my cooperation
He knows it all, so its pointless when i try to argue with him..i know this, yet i still try.

perhaps from now on i will try to pray more with "God, you...."  rather than "i"

love letter

my beautiful darling
how are you today?
i miss you..

you seem so distracted and all i want is you to spend some time with me
i hate that your sad

i'm so sorry that your heart breaks, mine does to
i'm sorry that i had to take it away, i know you loved it very much but i have something better for you
please don't cry
i have something better i promise

i always find you in the arms of someone who will only let you down
i find you in love with the world
but i want all of you so i had to take it away
i know it hurts

but i couldn't stand that you loved it more than me!
i want all of you for all of eternity and i won't stop until i get it.

you are so beautiful,
your eyes are the same colour as the 22nd type of butterfly i created

i have this plan for your life and i know you'll agree at the end that i was right!
people will come and go, some easily and some will hurt but remember than its all for good
each one will teach you something however small or big
please try to love them!
they are my child to ok?!
what the world teaches is that you need a husband, a well paid job, health and a social life
i'm sorry but these things don't really matter to me, so i may take them away
don't be mad..
i want you to have me
i want you to have joy!
it wont be easy, i know you are so tired
please honey, i'm begging you to spend some time with me, i will give you rest
and one day you'll come to my home

i know you're sorry, you tell me all the time but once you've said it i dont even remember what your apologising for!
Jesus already died for it..
i know you don't understand but when i look at you i only see purity
that was the worst thing i ever had to go through
everything in me wanted to rescue my son as he bore the sin and the shame of the whole word
but i didn't, i didn't for you..

let me love you
let me give you hope because i know the world doesnt offer you much
be joyful!
dance..
see the people that i have given you?let me use them in your life...they are quite wonderful..they are all my favourites and i designed them knowing that yous would be perfect friends for eachother
i love watching you laugh with them

have a good day, sleep well tonight, dream of me.
God.

p.s i love you