1. Who the flip do i think i am??
I have nothing to give to God...there's not one thing in me which is attractive to Him. If i think i am saved by my works i am sadly mistaken, if i think that my faith in God is my own creation i am fooled.. There is nothing good in me, there is nothing for me to boast in. Even our faith in God as Saviour, the one good thing about us, is from God.
Ephesians 2:8-9 "for it is by grace you have been saved through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works so that no one can boast."
Funny how well God knows us...He knew that we could not have faith, for it would only lead us to sin.
So where does this leave us? Pretty damn greatful i reckon...Our faith, our salvation is PURELY because of Him.. He took mercy on the elect, because not one of us chose Him...not one..we are all entirely wretched..but He wants us.
Also, how often do we demand reasons of God..?
How did i get here? Why are You doing this? fair question...we feel like we deserve to knoww..its our life, we should know why these terrible things happen to us and the people we love..i have realised that in this i'm pretty wrong too..I have no right, whatsoeverrr to ask for the reasoning behind things of the God of this universe..
i have also learnt to be thankful that God is God and He is in control and i am not, because if i was we would be neck deep in crap..
Daniel 4:35 "all the people of the earth are nothing, He does as He pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of this earth...no one can hold back His hand and say 'what are You doing?'"
We have severe control issues...submission is a tainted word..i always try to tell God what to do..I tell Him what would make me happy and what He should take away from my life. I act as though God is here to serve me!Are you kiddddinggg me!!?!? I look at the huuuugeee ungodly mess i managed to make of my life and how i looked up to God like a pig in shit, absolutely loving wallowing in filth and was like looookkk what i diiidddd.ha....I am nothing but thankful that i have finally submitted to God's will..i want what He wants for me, because i know, for a fact, that it is what is best for me.
Jeremiah 29:11 "'for I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
do you get it? i cannot count how many times i have heard that verse..and we forget that the Bible is TRUTH!! it is true..this is a fact...
I have been reading Francis Chan's book Crazy Love, which has inspiried most of these thoughts and by the grace of God i am able to share them! but he challenges us in times of worry and states that when we worry its like telling God; ok, i know that You have a fantastic, unreal plans for my life, plans to make me happier than I ever thought possible and plans to give me the mind of Christ but...just incase something is out of Your control, or You don't actually know best, i've got a wee back up plan because somehow(!!!!) i reckon it'll be better than these plans that You have...comee onnn!!!And when we stress out about something, as i so often do..it implies that God's timing is not right..although He is outside of time, and is not held my the parameters of it, He's wrong..our time scale is betterr..and God sure better make sure that he sticks to it eh?hahaa...oh boy..
So to sum upp...Why am i constantly not face down in the dirt in praise and humility; that we are truely wretched but God loves us..and not only loves us, as if that isnt enough, He planned our lives so that we will be conformed to the image of Christ and that we will be happy!! No matter what we cling too, no matter how often we try to prove to God that we know what is best for us. He will take it from you. Be sure of that..there is no point in trying to fight God on something..or kid ourselves that it is really in His will because He will have his will...in Acts 5, Gamaliel; a Pharisee warns the Sanhedrin.."if it is of God, we will not be able to stop these men.." and its still true today..God has taken people and things from me because i though i knew best, i thought i needed them..but all i need is Him...and He has far better things for me than anything i could orchestrate. His love saves us into glory...
2. I realised last night i have been given the gift of joyy..and its just amazing..We were talking about Phillipians at reconnect and Travis was speaking and he has the gift of joy and the things he said were very similar to my thoughts so i realised i too have itt...since i've been here anyway..Joy is based on truth!! God's truth...and i used to base my joy on wordly truths that other people spoke about me, i let them steal my joy and i made it about me..but now i know God's truth about me and i could care less what people think about me..
The first truth which brings joy is i am a child of God..i have really begun to grasp that concept and its glorious!!!(Romans 8:16-17)
And secondly, I am forgiven...I reallyyyy realllyyyy struggled with thiss..I did not feel that i deserved forgiveness because i knew at the time of the things that i did that i was doing wrong, so how could i be deserving of forgiveness? I could not let myself feel remorse which is required in repentance. I then began to believe the lie that i therefore must not be one of the elect, God had not chosen me for His kingdom because i was not convicted of my sins..However after several hours of wallowing in this, i realised it was a lie..and as soon as i announced in my head that it was a lie..it lifted and it seemed farcical that i had even believed it in the first place.
i began to pray for remorse, that God would have the grace to break my heart for the things i had done. And He did. Last thursday night during Mosaic, Don was talking about how God does not care about our works but about our hearts..and how far we have fallen and how misguided we are in thinking that we have truely given him everything...we are called to works in obedience but it should come from a want, a whole hearted devotion to the Master that we want to act upon our faith. we should have given our whole heart to God, which i have not, and am solemnly working on.. I have given more of my heart to someone who did not deserve it, and through manipulation owned that large piece entirely, i had also given other peices of my heart to multiple other people who were no good for me. I realised i needed God's forgiveness for this also...I wanted God to have my whole heartt...and i am giving it to Him, as He teaches me..and so i began to feel remorse, but it was only the beginning. whatever it was, i could not lift my head in the meeting..this feeling lingered untill Sunday night but it was still not full remorse for the things i had done, i still admitted that i could probably do these things again with out conviction.
then on sunday night at the AWE service Don was talking about expectations and after that we have a service at New Grounds...during the worship which the OTW team where leading, and it was amazinggg, Josh had a word that God wanted to say that it is forgiven and forgotten..and He loves you..hahaaaa well i was pretty swiftly filled with remorsee..i was sorryy..i cried and told God how sorry i was, how sorry that Jesus had to take that punishment for me..felt like he was sayingg.."now do you hear Me???" i was embarrassedddd that it had taken for it to be announced for me to believe ittt..i was mortified in my distrust of Gods word and i told Him that too...
After that i immediatly knew and felt that i was forgiven. i realised i had been expecting a long period of remorsee, in which God would crush me..but I have learnt that that is not biblical forgiveness...I don't need to feel bad for an extented period of time, i do not need to do prenance that way because it wouldnt be good enough anyway...when i understood that there is NO WAY i could earn God's love or forgiveness...i realised the depth of my debt to Him and i truely began to fall in love with Him.
So in these things i have been given the gift of joy...and with it comes a need for patience because i get frustrated when people complain and are not joyful but i have to realise they have other giftss which i lack..
I am full of joy knowing that there is nothing i can do or say that is good, yet i am created, forgiven, chosen, redeemed and treasured...AMEN!
Phillipians was written when Paul was in jail..the man was in prison, in a cell...and he was joyfull, he looked at the oppurtunites!he witnessed to his gaurd and the people who came to see him...he was truely joyfull..what right do we think we have to be moody?being moody is manipulation, as Kellie said last night..we take on a bad mood to show the world that we aren't happy and that we want it to change...many times we hurt people and twist there arm into doing something because we are moody...We are either joy stealers or joy givers...
today we smelt a skunk..it was disgusting...its not like i went up to it and yanked the things tail above its head and sniffed its butt..when one sprays anywhere near you can smell it!foulll...(slipped that in there didn't i...haa)
if you get a chance listen to this song
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