Will your grace run out
If I let you down?
‘Cause all I know is how to run

‘Cause I am a sinner 
If its not one thing its another
Caught up in words 
Tangled in lies 
But are a Savior 
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful 
Beautiful 

Will you call me child
When I tell you lies 
Cause all I know 
Is how to cry 

I am a sinner 
If its not one thing its another 
Caught up in words 
Tangled in lies 
You are the Savior 
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful 
Beautiful 

it is in the moments of earth shattering, all consuming regret that i know completely the redemptive power of the cross
it is in the moments when i feel completely useless, hopeless, clumsy and lazy that i am reminded of the almighty power of God

this

all i have i count it all as lose
but to know you, and to carry the cross
knowing i'm found in the light of the aftermath

keep your head up, and your heart strong

how do you walk or sit or stand?
shoulders curled, back hunched, feet turned in?
i do..
a physical manifestation of insecurity, of a lack of confidence..
but i am learning to walk tall, up straight..
to walk with purpose, because i have purpose
to be filled with confidence, not because of anything in me
but because of what Christ did for me
i do not fight for victory, i fight from victory
lift your head up and boast of all that's been done in your life
stop trying to hide, what people think of you means nothing
when we all die and have to stand in front of our King,
their judgements will mean nothing, and His will mean everything
because you have the hope of eternal life, you have the answer..
we are the salt and the light
remember you are called!
step up

"Therefore, since we have such a hope we are very bold..."

2Corinth3v12

don't be a prostitute

just re-posted two old blogs from last october cause they kinda relate to this one.

So i started reading Judges, and i love it!but came across this verse

"Yet they would no listen to their judges but prostituted themselves to other gods.."
2v17a
 as the previous blogs show, i really identify with this metaphor that we cheated on God that's used in Hosea.
I was reading about it in my Matthew Henry concordance and he says

"idolatry is spiritual adultery"

woah

so i looked up in the dictionary the definition of 'prostitute' 

obviously the first one was to sell your body for sex, but the second definition was this 

"One who sells one's abilities, talent, or name for an unworthy purpose"

God was royally annoyed because the Israelites were worthy of so much more than idols..how could they believe that something they created with their hands could be a god?!

you are WORTHY

you are worth Jesus, that's how much God paid for you

so don't prostitute yourself to popularity and material possessions

those things are not worthy of you, when the king of kings died to save your soul

don't give yourself or your God given talents to the things of this world when you are made for the kingdom of God

don't let these things rule you're life because you will be selling yourself short

you are worthy of God, put him first in all things
live like the royalty that you have been bought for
don't be a prostitute
cause you are loved and you were not cheap

repeat

"The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, 
though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. 
Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites,
 though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.”

So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley. 

Then I told her, “You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will behave the same way toward you.”

Hos3v1-3

God made us, thus, we belong to him

however, we cheated on him

and as i have done that analogie half to death, i hope you understand 

we betrayed him

but he bought us back

so you buy a dog
it runs away
you find it
and you have to pay for it again
annoying?
you bet...
now imagine that dog is really badly behaved
it rolls in dead badgers and wees on the good rug, bites you all the time and keeps you up all night
if it ran away would you even bother to look for it?
would you search and strive for it?
would your heart break for that misbehaving dog?
and if you found it with someone who didn't love it that much, fed it but never took it for a walk, lived in a disgusting house so didn't care that it pissed on the carpet and let the dog bite and growl and misbehave but sometimes kicked it for no reason and you had drag the dog away, would you?
would you pay more that what you payed for it in the first place knowing that it would mean you'd have to get rid of all the carpet in your house and spend alot of time teaching it not to bite you..and knowing it would run back to that dirty house again?
would you pay for it?
i am the dog.
that loves the world more than i should
but the man who owns me?has made me then paid for me again, has limitless patience teaching me, the world kicks me and his heart breaks, watches me run away only to pursue me and loves me enough to never let me go despite how badly i treat him

repeat

"She has said, I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water,

my wool and my linen, my olive oil and my drink.

Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; 

I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. 

She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; 

She will look for them but not find them. 

Then she will say, 

‘I will go back to my husband as at first, 

 for then I was better off than now.’ 

She has not acknowledged that I was the one 

who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, 

who lavished on her the silver and gold— 

   which they used for Baal...

 I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, 

   which she said were her pay from her lovers; 

I will make them a thicket, 

   and wild animals will devour them. 

 I will punish her for the days 

   she burned incense to the Baals; 

she decked herself with rings and jewelry, 

   and went after her lovers, 

   but me she forgot,” 

            declares the LORD.

Therefore I am now going to allure her; 

   I will lead her into the wilderness 

   and speak tenderly to her.

“In that day,” declares the LORD, 

   “you will call me ‘my husband’; 

   you will no longer call me ‘my master..'

 I will betroth you to me forever; 

   I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, 

   in love and compassion. 

 I will betroth you in faithfulness, 

   and you will acknowledge the LORD"

the she is Israel but it is also me

i chased after my lovers

rather the things that i loved but did not love me back

urban outfitters is not in love with me..shocking i know

i stalked the things that i believe satisfied me

i pursued and i longed

but God blocked my path

He walled me in with dissatisfaction, discontent and heartbreak

so that i would go back to Him..

the lover of my heart

my lover, as in, lover of me

lover of me despite my adultery with the world

lover of me despite my attempt to cheat on him with the earthly

lover of me despite my naivety that something created could fill a crater made for the creator

i went after lovers and forgot about Him

so, He entices me to the wilderness

emotionally to a barren land

where i am alone

lets me sit and wail that i am alone

and He knows i am alone

everyone knows i am alone

i have been enticed here because He burned all my temporary bridges
and that is a blessing
He wants to build me one permanent bridge

i want to be here because those bridges led to hell

i am scared

i don't want to be alone..

so He gives me one option

He knows that i am indecisive, He made me that way

one option

Him

and then i realise, i'm not a slave to this

He isn't my ruler

he is my lover

to have and to hold

in sickness and in health

through better through worse

to love and to cherish untill....

the end of time

that changes the dynamic a bit

i no longer have to 

i want to 

i will happily spend time with the love of my life every day

my boss? not so much

i could read letters from Him all day long, 

read about His history, and His future and how He feels about me

i do not enjoy reports, hourly updates nor a biography of my boss

and He puts me in His heart forever

He commits to me passion, faithfulness, righteousness and compassion..

and He will make me acknowledge him

i am a-ok with that

read Hosea.

heart song

And now the weak say I have strength

By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead

And now the poor stand and confess

That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed

Let now our hearts burn with a flame

A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name

And with the heavens we declare

You are our king

We love you Lord, we worship you

You are our God, you alone are good

You asked your Son to carry this

The heavy cross our weight of sin

I love you Lord, I worship you

Hope which was lost, now stands renewed

I give my life to honour this

The love of Christ, the Saviour king

Let now your church shine as the bride

That you soar in your heart as you offered up your life

Let now the lost be welcomed home

By the saved and redeemed those adopted as your own

I give my life to honour this

The love of Christ, the Saviour king

got baptised, let hannah tattoo me and finished uni

been so busy but amongst it all God is faithful, even when i am not
been reading the Old Testament and it's amazing..
I love how God included so much of history in the Bible, all about the tribe of Judah, the tribe Jesus came from.
I love how he knew we would want to know
but throughout all that i've read, and all that i know about my God i am continually astonished by how much her refuses to give up on us.
Was reading Daniel last night and the kings just make the same mistakes over and over and over again,
but God is constantly in pursuit of the hearts of the human race

these past couple of weeks i've felt like giving up on alot of stuff, on alot of people and on myself..
on university, i had written all of my dissertation, apart from the introduction and it was a huge struggle..more than once i thought about just sacking it all of, and giving up..
but God wants me to work with young people, to do that i really need a degree..and now i'm finished, the people i care about are proud of me, i can do the work God has for me.
don't give up on God's plan

like i said before i do really struggle with people and sometimes i've really drawn a line under a relationship and just be like i'm done with you, i'll try to love you but we are never gonna be friends..
but Jesus never saw people like that, thankfully! and Jesus has the final word, so i'm going to try and try to be your friend no matter how many times you cut me down i'm afraid.
don't give up on people because no doubt God has a purpose for them in your life

i never planned to get baptised, ALC was having a baptismal service, which i knew about but i didn't sign up for, even though it was something that had been on my mind. Walked into church on Sunday night and my Pastor said to me, sophie, are you getting baptised tonight? I said no, he said i think that will change...
then during worship my heart started pounding, but i couldn't get baptised, i didn't have clothes, or a towel and my mum wasn't there and i wasn't prepared...
During Daves talk he challenged all of my excuses, you don't have to be prepared, we have swim shorts, tshirts and towels for anyone who wants to get baptised tonight, and we will be taking pictures for your family..
i went to the back and started freaking out, i realised the real reason i didn't want to get baptised, i was too scared to declare in front of my church that i was a christian, because i knew i would mess it all up again...i was crying my heart out and so scared. i knew what i had to do but i couldn't do it, my flesh was fighting it too much..i was praying and just saying 'i can't do it, i'll mess up' and i just heard God say 'i don't care...'
don't give up on yourself
you're never gonna get better at being a Christian, you will always sin, God doesn't care.
and this week i made some really bad choices and had a foul attitude in some things..but it's paid for and forgiven.



i let my friend tattoo me with india ink and a safety pin, a tiny cross on my wedding finger...
i am God's before i am anyone else's

the goodness of my God

the past few mornings i haven't been getting up early enough to spend time with God before work or before I go to the library...
this morning, i slept in and was late for work
that's how much God wants me to spend time with him, enough to make me late for work
tomorrow, i will make time first thing


he is jealous for me
jealous
do you get what that means?like he's gonna get pissy if you make other stuff more important than him!
he wants to be the first person i spend time with in the morning, and i want him to be too
sometimes i lack the discipline, and in that i am thankful for grace!cause it makes no difference to how much he loves me
but cause Jesus is the most important thing, in my life..i want him to be the first thing on my mind when i wake up
i want my first interaction to be with him so all my other interactions are coloured with him
if he is the most important thing in your life, he should get the most effort


and when your having one of those days, where you have a short attention span and keep walking into things and making a mess..
just stop, get some paper and a pen and pray
he is jealous that your not making time for him
and he's gonna keep distracting you untill you do

last night was at the homeless ministry from our church, it's called Streetwise and it's ran by an incredible woman called Alison Beckwith and they've partnered with the hotel i work at, to provide sandwiches and soup for the ministry one Thursday a month..


so i just spent some time there, just hanging out..playing ping pong
met a guy who used to be in the army and was stationed in Northern Ireland in Tyrone, now he's homeless
met a guy who may need his leg amputated because he's been sleeping rough so long
met some young lads who have run away..


and then they left, they get something to eat, have a chat and leave
then i got really angry
homelessness, famine..world issues like KONY2012...child soldiers, sex trafficking...
what the frick?


like i just don't get it...God made us this beautiful world and filled it with beautiful amazing people and we wrecked it
we broke some of the hearts he gave us
the night after i watched the KONY video i had to sleep on my bedroom floor because i felt horrifically guilty that i have a bed
and we have the cheek to ask God how he let this happen?
how did YOU let this happen??
i don't get it and i don't know what i'm meant to do with these feelings


when did we get so damn apathetic toward need?
as a human race when did we get ok with it?
and now, how do we fix it?

i am sure the answer is the local church, community, family...


but sometimes it doesn't help my heavy heart, i spend time with those people, i show them they are valued by serving them, by getting them a cup of tea because they are so so precious to my God
but how are they meant to believe me when they walk out the door, back to the street to be abused by drunk people coming out of nightclubs at 3am?

fuzzyhead

sometimes i get a fuzzy head, i don't always work out whats wrong right away but i just feel like i wana go back to bed, get really frustrated easily and it all kind of clicked when it was Easter and i was reading about the crucifixion in Mark and read this verse in chapter 14v38
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. 
The spirit is willing, but the body is weak"


and i realised that my flesh wants one thing, but my spirit wants something else - the Godly thing
and so its like an inside turmoil and the wolf you feed is the wolf that wins
if you feed your fleshly and worldly desires, they will win because they grow stronger
but we have to feed our spirit, with time along with Jesus..even if you can't say anything cause your head is fuzzy
get a spirit of agreement, so that your flesh is disciplined and your spirit wins
watch - reflect on the things you do and the things that frustrate you

my spirit is strong but when my flesh starts to win it doesn't look good on me

when i start to walk in what my flesh wants, i get grumpy quickly because i know in my heart that i'm not walking the path God wants me too

the greater joy lies in what God has for you, even though sometimes it takes blind faith and courage to walk into that because it isn't what you expected joy would look like in your life

eph3v20

God has a purpose for your life


purpose:The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.


we were created to glorify and worship God, to point to him
if you knew the purpose that God intended for you, it would blow your mind because i guarantee its much much more than working a 9-5, getting married, having kids, maybe being a leader at youth on a Friday night 
yea you may do those things, and that isn't wrong...
but his purpose will look more like leading a generation of young people to rise up, or setting captives free, or feeding the hungry, to be a friend to the friendless
maybe its just being the one person who speaks a positive word into someones life
maybe its to be an encourager


you have power and you have a God on your side who wants to change this world through you!
there is an army rising up
an army that isn't so much about fighting, but about going behind the enemies lines, and looking after the injured


don't be afraid
be excited
don't just raise awareness, get your hands dirty
get planted in your church and serve
that was your purpose
go and play scrabble with the older people in your church - they have so much wisdom
they are whole people, they still have dreams and desires for their lives
show them that we are not a lost generation,
we are a found generation and we are planted and we are growing
we have broken the chains
and we don't care so much


we will fight negativity because that is never from God
we will fight fear with hope
worry with faith
doubt with promises never broken
disappointment with love
lack with plenty
need with sustenance


live like Ephesians 3v20 is tattooed on your forehead

Now to him 

who is able to do 

immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, 

according to his power 

that is at work within us

when you come up against a wall, say it out loud
i give this to God, who is able to do so much more than i can, more than i can even imagine and his power is in me

declare it in your heart and over your friends
break the walls down

when you see Satan attack, which he will, tell him to piss off cause you are able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE THAT YOU CAN IMAGINE

than he can imagine, he can't imagine, he can't bring about any truth or new or original thought - he is only lies

and you'll hear his lies in your head

i can't do that

they'll never be saved

i can't be different

lies...and the best bit is, the opposite is the TRUTH
you can do it
they can be saved
and you are different

Satan is scared of you, scared of all the ground your gonna take for the kingdom of light

scared of all the hearts your gonna save

listen to the whispers of heaven, listen to the truth

align your heart with the purpose of heaven

read your bible, it will change your life 

learn the scripture that tells the truth about who you are and where you are going.


be inspired by Jesus
feel your heart race as you walk in the light, bask in the truth and acknowledge that you are cherished
and pass it on

be challenged

The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyles. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.

Brennan Manning

?

why do you do what your do?
what makes you happy or mad?
and why?
what are your motives?
there is a motive behind every action/thought/conversation
why does it make you mad when someone is late?
why does it make you frustrated when someone doesn't text you back?
why does it make you happy when you get your way?
why do you get excited when you have time to yourself?
why didn't you make an effort with her?
why do you feel absolutely destroyed when they don't make an effort with you?
why don't you wana go there or do that?
why do you want that career?
why do you need that new dress?
why do you have to be at that gig?
why?
is Jesus the answer?
is he your motive?

where is your fruit?
if people aren't asking whats different about you, you aren't doing it right.
you have the Holy Spirit and they don't
the fruits of having the Holy Spirit in your life are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness, self control
so if you have the Holy Spirit, where is your fruit?
what is different about you?

totes mainstream

there is no such thing as cool
and if there is, its completely subjective
cool was invented by our 14 year old selves
Jesus wasn't cool and now loving Jesus isn't cool
we create this strange social ladder and 'rate' oursleves and others around us
by what we wear or who we hang out with or the music we listen to
not long ago i was completely submersed in this
i wanted so bad to be cool, then i wanted so bad to be a cool christian
you know what really isn't cool?
broken people
even less cool?
washing their dirty feet
its not cool to say hello to someone you don't know and have that first awkward conversation
i'm really bored of cool
bored of exclusivity and favouritism
bored of people wh are too cool to make an effort
condescending and proud
people who think they're better than others
bet your reading this thinking "thats not me"
but it is!its me too
there are some people, that i have to push so hard to make an effort with
the world wants nothing to do with them, they are less than nothing, they are labelled
"hard to reach"
"un-engaging"
"care leaver"
"young offender"
"homeless"
"chav"
i flippin love them
i am so humbled by them
they are so precious to Jesus
as are the hipsters and the indie kids and the mainstreamers


so pull your head out of your arse and go love some people
stop caring so damn much about what people think

John 13v1-17 Jesus washes the disciples feet
v3-5
"Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet"

because Jesus knew he belonged to God, He knew the power was with God and not with anything or anyone of this earth, he didn't care about humbling himself in this way. He didn't care what people would say, he just wanted to wash some dirty feet.

i am called to wash dirty feet, to love people back to life.

God has a goal for your life
and you are the only one who can affect that
if your heart is willing then nothing or no one can stop Gods goal for your life.
Satan can tempt away, the world can fetch it on
critisize, tear me down but you cannot defeat God and what he has planned
i am in agreement with him
so you cannot stop me
BRING IT


Jeremiah 29v11
""For I know the plans I have for you" declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.""

Psalm138v8
"The LORD fulfills his purpose for me; your steadfast love O LORD endures forever"

Phillipians1v6
"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion untill the day of Jesus Christ"

you know these verses
but do you live, pray, act like they are true?