recently had this feeling like I've let myself down, like i could have tried harder and done more..and its a difficult feeling to deal with..I'm not sure really what to do with it or where to put it...its hard to feel encouraged when everyone seems to be just treading water, barely keeping their heads above the surface. as humans, particularly in the opulent west, it is very easy to focus on the negative, and see all that we are lacking, we do it with the physical but also with the spiritual..we want so much..
i know I've ranted about the negatives of contentment but there is alot to be said for being content with the right attitude, being content in pain and growth. I am learning, like Paul, to be content in all things. It isn't easy, having a home in Leeds i could very easily run away too.. but i am very sure that this is where God wants me, and although its extremely difficult when you have to see your past mistakes written all over peoples faces, i have to remember that God's grace is enough for me.
that he has a plan and i have to seek that every day, every hour in every decision and conversation. i have to be intentional and i have to be loving. and the past is done and gone and the mistakes are covered and already paid for. "..the cheque cleared.."