all to him i owe
sin had left a crimson stain
he washed it white as snow
oh praise the one
who paid the debt
and raised this life up from the dead
Tuesday 31 May 2011
a night with a frying pan
too much csi and too many crime novels..
Another Village Churchism
Listening to Matt Chandler..another babe..he says..."God does not love a future version of you."
he loves me now, as i am..not because I'm one day going to be sanctified..but because I've been redeemed and that's that.
Another Village Churchism
If God, he wouldn't ever do this...but if he said..
"you can have anything in the world...absolutely anything or anyone..but you'll get less of me; you'll still get into heaven..just less of me.."
"you can have anything in the world...absolutely anything or anyone..but you'll get less of me; you'll still get into heaven..just less of me.."
would you take it?
idolatry.com
if you read this blog... (if your one of the people in Russia...hiya!) you will know i often struggle with pride and don't even realise that it is pride.and then I'm like who do i think i am?!
But I've been struggling with sin..little sins, if there is such a thing..but i feel like then theres like almost tension between me and God cause I've sinned, even sometimes after I've repented..and i have realised, once again that I'm looking at it from entirely the wrong angle.
God has said to me, very clearly
"Do you honestly think, my grace is not enough?"
oh to grace, how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be..let that grace now, like a fetter...bind my wondering heart to thee...
my unbelief does not change his grace or mercy
my lack of faith does not affect his faithfulness..
"i do believe; help my unbelief.." Mark9v24
Monday 30 May 2011
neighbours are kicking right off.
got woken up by next door having a row in the garden....
i hate being content. i think its one of satan's biggest weapons...being comfortable..
you can be content in growth, yea...
but complacency
where you're like; i am doing ok. i know there's alot more i could be doing, but there's also alot less; i am good.
what a lie!
everyday i should be challenging myself to grow
to love more, to be more patient and less angry
to question less and allow God to just use me.
But i don't! i sit at the end of the day and write somethings in a notebook
and think ahh good job soph.
good job nothing!how many people did you show Jesus to today eh?You didn't even leave the house!
now i have nothing against duvet days
But when i stand a quivering wreck, a bundle of nerves and bursting with joy in front of Jesus i wana have more to say than, i spent a little time with you every day, and i painted my fingernails and toenails to match, so we sweet blud yea?
(wonder if I'll call Jesus blud.......doubt it (this is honestly where my mind goes!))
There are times of rest with God
seasons of chill the flip out
but even in that we are learning more about his character - all the time learning
Satan says, well done...it's all good!
If its all good God would have taken me home son so its obviously not 'all good' is it?!?!
how much do you wanna kick satan in the balls!
I don't think i have to ponder a theological dilemma a day..
that is not my point
just grow!
if its swearing 49 times instead of 50 then AMEN!
if its not giving a dirty look to that cow in the library even though she totally deserves it!awesome.
if its not calling her a cow on your blog...even better
if its relying more on my Saviour than yesterday cause my heart hurts..what more could i want.
its not about actively avoiding sin...or intentionally learning..although sometimes it is..
but when we run towards Jesus...not that run like when your being chased up the stairs..but the run when you've just necked a red bull and you're buzzin and your feet hit the pavement so hard...or if you crawl, tail between your legs and head hanging...
into our Fathers arms
he will teach us
about grace and sovereignty and peace
and sin happens....God loves us despite and inspite of it
no matter how many sin weights go on the sin side of my scales..it still is never heavier than his love...
his love doesn't even quiver..
'i already knew you were gonna do that when i died for you so settle down'
when we take our eyes off God
that's when we doubt and the theological issues seem to overwhelm us
at the end of the day it doesn't really matter
cause he loves you so much..and he wants to hear about your day and he wants to tell you about himself
let him
when my head is fit to burst and i go round and round and round in my thoughts then stop and remember that the almighty became a single cell that grew to a helpless baby and then a man...for me...
that's where you will find true contentment
basking in love that is challenging
i hate being content. i think its one of satan's biggest weapons...being comfortable..
you can be content in growth, yea...
but complacency
where you're like; i am doing ok. i know there's alot more i could be doing, but there's also alot less; i am good.
what a lie!
everyday i should be challenging myself to grow
to love more, to be more patient and less angry
to question less and allow God to just use me.
But i don't! i sit at the end of the day and write somethings in a notebook
and think ahh good job soph.
good job nothing!how many people did you show Jesus to today eh?You didn't even leave the house!
now i have nothing against duvet days
But when i stand a quivering wreck, a bundle of nerves and bursting with joy in front of Jesus i wana have more to say than, i spent a little time with you every day, and i painted my fingernails and toenails to match, so we sweet blud yea?
(wonder if I'll call Jesus blud.......doubt it (this is honestly where my mind goes!))
There are times of rest with God
seasons of chill the flip out
but even in that we are learning more about his character - all the time learning
Satan says, well done...it's all good!
If its all good God would have taken me home son so its obviously not 'all good' is it?!?!
how much do you wanna kick satan in the balls!
I don't think i have to ponder a theological dilemma a day..
that is not my point
just grow!
if its swearing 49 times instead of 50 then AMEN!
if its not giving a dirty look to that cow in the library even though she totally deserves it!awesome.
if its not calling her a cow on your blog...even better
if its relying more on my Saviour than yesterday cause my heart hurts..what more could i want.
its not about actively avoiding sin...or intentionally learning..although sometimes it is..
but when we run towards Jesus...not that run like when your being chased up the stairs..but the run when you've just necked a red bull and you're buzzin and your feet hit the pavement so hard...or if you crawl, tail between your legs and head hanging...
into our Fathers arms
he will teach us
about grace and sovereignty and peace
and sin happens....God loves us despite and inspite of it
no matter how many sin weights go on the sin side of my scales..it still is never heavier than his love...
his love doesn't even quiver..
'i already knew you were gonna do that when i died for you so settle down'
when we take our eyes off God
that's when we doubt and the theological issues seem to overwhelm us
at the end of the day it doesn't really matter
cause he loves you so much..and he wants to hear about your day and he wants to tell you about himself
let him
when my head is fit to burst and i go round and round and round in my thoughts then stop and remember that the almighty became a single cell that grew to a helpless baby and then a man...for me...
that's where you will find true contentment
basking in love that is challenging
Sunday 29 May 2011
we fix our eyes upon the cross and run to him who showed great love
christ is risen from the dead
trampling over death by death
COME AWAKE....
Oh church...come stand in the light
our God is not dead, he's alive he's alive
Matthew13v44
"..the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field...
When a man found it,
he hid it again
then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field..."
trampling over death by death
COME AWAKE....
Oh church...come stand in the light
our God is not dead, he's alive he's alive
Matthew13v44
"..the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field...
When a man found it,
he hid it again
then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field..."
blondie
"turn your eyes upon Jesus." DO IT.
seriously, we should be encouraging each other to focus on him...look full in his wonderful face..i highly doubt I'll be able to look Jesus in the face without bawling..imagine how amazing...
today i was emailing Ashley about those verses in Acts17...and i said Paul was a babe..and he is a babe...and i said i hope the word babe exists in heaven cause i am totally gonna tell Paul he's a babe..
At least 20 times a day my thoughts go places they shouldn't..like I'll start counting the calories in my food, or worry about what I'm wearing, or over analyse every conversation I've ever had and wonder if she was calling me a bitch?!and then i realise....Jesus...hahahahaa..and the things of this world do grow dim..but I'm not sure its all that strange because in the light of his beauty and grace.....how could i possibly worry about anything so menial..how could i even think about myself at all?!
ever had this conversation?
"i wish Jesus would just come back like right now"
"oh well thanks alot"
the other persons like mad that you would rather be with Jesus?
well i wont apologise. i would rather spend 1 day with him that a thousand with you. no offense. but he's the love of my life...there's nothing i want more than him...
the only reason i wana put off meeting him, is cause i wana do more stuff for his kingdom..so i have more crowns to give back to him..cause right now my works are pitiful...
if Jesus came back now would you be disappointed?
obviously relationships in this world are important but they aren't permanent!me on this earth is literally like a blink to God...not even cause he doesn't even do time..ha..
I am so very very very thankful that he has stolen my heart...he has it all..
JOYFUL
seriously, we should be encouraging each other to focus on him...look full in his wonderful face..i highly doubt I'll be able to look Jesus in the face without bawling..imagine how amazing...
today i was emailing Ashley about those verses in Acts17...and i said Paul was a babe..and he is a babe...and i said i hope the word babe exists in heaven cause i am totally gonna tell Paul he's a babe..
At least 20 times a day my thoughts go places they shouldn't..like I'll start counting the calories in my food, or worry about what I'm wearing, or over analyse every conversation I've ever had and wonder if she was calling me a bitch?!and then i realise....Jesus...hahahahaa..and the things of this world do grow dim..but I'm not sure its all that strange because in the light of his beauty and grace.....how could i possibly worry about anything so menial..how could i even think about myself at all?!
ever had this conversation?
"i wish Jesus would just come back like right now"
"oh well thanks alot"
the other persons like mad that you would rather be with Jesus?
well i wont apologise. i would rather spend 1 day with him that a thousand with you. no offense. but he's the love of my life...there's nothing i want more than him...
the only reason i wana put off meeting him, is cause i wana do more stuff for his kingdom..so i have more crowns to give back to him..cause right now my works are pitiful...
if Jesus came back now would you be disappointed?
obviously relationships in this world are important but they aren't permanent!me on this earth is literally like a blink to God...not even cause he doesn't even do time..ha..
I am so very very very thankful that he has stolen my heart...he has it all..
JOYFUL
Saturday 28 May 2011
HIYA
Romans7v19
"..for what i do is not the good i want to do; no the evil i do not want to do, this i keep on doing..."
this has been plaguing me...I keep getting so frustrated with my self when i do stuff wrong..i don't understand how even though God has every part of me, and i want nothing more that to please him..i still do stuff wrong all the time!and then i feel so ashamed..and i apologise and then its fine...but why couldn't i have just not done it in the first place?
if God hates sin, and i sin near enough constantly..how can he still love me?
and i think I've FINALLY realised an answerr..
"..for what i do is not the good i want to do; no the evil i do not want to do, this i keep on doing..."
this has been plaguing me...I keep getting so frustrated with my self when i do stuff wrong..i don't understand how even though God has every part of me, and i want nothing more that to please him..i still do stuff wrong all the time!and then i feel so ashamed..and i apologise and then its fine...but why couldn't i have just not done it in the first place?
if God hates sin, and i sin near enough constantly..how can he still love me?
and i think I've FINALLY realised an answerr..
ok so these are like old school scales, which ever side is heavier sits lower down and when the weight is equal, they are balanced and stay at the same height...
On one side there's sin...and on the other side there's Gods love.
The side with the love in, is like touching the ground, its so heavy...
the side with sin in is waaaay up in the air.....
my point....our sin will NEVER equal or outweigh Gods love.....the magnitude is too great...
and yes he hates sin....but it is our flesh that sins...not to absolve responsibility..but his spirit is in us so he knows i don't want to sin....and so he hates my actions but not me
i think.
Friday 27 May 2011
i live with 6 girls don't judge me
some of these are absurd but i just love stalking tumblr these days.
http://therulesofagentleman.tumblr.com/
http://therulesofladies.tumblr.com/
Wednesday 25 May 2011
i like talking about what could have been
and you're not really interested in my plans
you have bigger plans
you don't want to see the world
you want the world to see you
you want nothing more than them
not world peace or the destruction of all nuclear weapons or a cure for AIDS
you want hearts
but you will not beg
you already did the humble part
and you already bled every drop
you gave yourself
as a wager for my soul
30 pieces of silver for an eternity with me
if i had of been the only sinner
you would do it still
you make my heart race cause you are life
you cause my head to spin because you created the chemical reaction that allows me to marvel
and you will not beg
you stand proud and glorious and more beautiful than my chemical reactions can imagine
i love you with all of my aortic pump
i could just sit with you
all day and tell you my thoughts
you call me to sit at your feet
oft times i crawl into your presence
face down and tear stained
i like to skip with you and jump on my bed and sing in the shower and annoy my neighbours
love yourself and you'll be fine
true story
but to be honest i don't really want fine
i've had fine and its dull
its clouds and i want sunshine
love things and you'll be disappointed
love people and you'll be heartbroken
love God and you'll be effervescent
happy?
prob not...
imagine talking to Bill Gates, Manolo Blahnik, Kate Moss, Elton John
picture having a personal relationship with them
i have an affinity with their maker
matchmaker dot com
the being who gave Bill Gates the hypothesis for Windows
who draws Manolo Blahniks beautiful designs
who made the world famous bone structure of Kate Moss
and who whispered the lyrics to Elton John
the same God who created the universe and who gives me freckles on a sunny day
who is jealous when i give more of my heart than is deserved to anyone
And who comes like a thief in the night
and steals my heart
and leaves life under my pillow
life in abundance
friends and dancing so much you feel like your legs are gonna fall off,
laughing so hard you could vomit and you've never laughed so hard in your whole entire life and Jesus is laughing with me at my stupid jokes;
what did the sausage say to the other sausage
and great shouts of HALLELUJAH
and gut wrenching sobs that assure you, you truly are alive and Jesus heart breaks right there with you.
life in abundance
AHH A TALKING SAUSAGE
and you're not really interested in my plans
you have bigger plans
you don't want to see the world
you want the world to see you
you want nothing more than them
not world peace or the destruction of all nuclear weapons or a cure for AIDS
you want hearts
but you will not beg
you already did the humble part
and you already bled every drop
you gave yourself
as a wager for my soul
30 pieces of silver for an eternity with me
if i had of been the only sinner
you would do it still
you make my heart race cause you are life
you cause my head to spin because you created the chemical reaction that allows me to marvel
and you will not beg
you stand proud and glorious and more beautiful than my chemical reactions can imagine
i love you with all of my aortic pump
i could just sit with you
all day and tell you my thoughts
you call me to sit at your feet
oft times i crawl into your presence
face down and tear stained
i like to skip with you and jump on my bed and sing in the shower and annoy my neighbours
love yourself and you'll be fine
true story
but to be honest i don't really want fine
i've had fine and its dull
its clouds and i want sunshine
love things and you'll be disappointed
love people and you'll be heartbroken
love God and you'll be effervescent
happy?
prob not...
imagine talking to Bill Gates, Manolo Blahnik, Kate Moss, Elton John
picture having a personal relationship with them
i have an affinity with their maker
matchmaker dot com
the being who gave Bill Gates the hypothesis for Windows
who draws Manolo Blahniks beautiful designs
who made the world famous bone structure of Kate Moss
and who whispered the lyrics to Elton John
the same God who created the universe and who gives me freckles on a sunny day
who is jealous when i give more of my heart than is deserved to anyone
And who comes like a thief in the night
and steals my heart
and leaves life under my pillow
life in abundance
friends and dancing so much you feel like your legs are gonna fall off,
laughing so hard you could vomit and you've never laughed so hard in your whole entire life and Jesus is laughing with me at my stupid jokes;
what did the sausage say to the other sausage
and great shouts of HALLELUJAH
and gut wrenching sobs that assure you, you truly are alive and Jesus heart breaks right there with you.
life in abundance
AHH A TALKING SAUSAGE
i need you like a heart beat
today just reading Acts17..Paul is in Thessalonica and he's talking to some Jews...
17v2-3"...He opened up the texts so they understood what they'd been reading all their lives: that the Messiah absolutely had to be put to death and raised from the dead—there were no other options—and that "this Jesus I'm introducing you to is that Messiah..."
Using the Message translation here so don't the verses exactly...I love reading verses in all the different translations..
So the Jews didn't believe that Jesus was the Messiah..cause they were expecting some valiant Saviour who would kill the Romans and give them freedom..But instead they got a carpenters son, who rode a donkey and let himself be murdered brutally by the very force they thought he had come to overthrow..But the Roman Empire wasn't the enemy Jesus had come to free them from..
So he teaches them in a way that they can see the predictions in the Old Testament and they realise that Jesus is the Messiah they have been waiting for, the Messiah that their people crowed at, and yelled to be crucified..
"there were no other options..." He had to die because the Roman Empire was not the main concern. The enemies in this world were not Gods concern then and he isn't too worried about them now. Because he uses them to build his people even when they do not want to be built..The adversaries in this world can only hurt flesh and feelings..and not to belittle that pain..it is very real. But Gods burden is our souls. And he wants to have us to him self for eternity and so, he had to attack the one person who could prevent that..gave his son instead..as a wager for our souls.
At the end of Harry Potter (yes i am about to compare Jesus to Harry Potter but go with me and don't take it too seriously...) So at the end of the last book; Harry willing gives himself to Lord Voldemort to be killed because Voldemort says he is going to kill everyone in Hogwarts unless he gets Harry..So Harry goes to were Voldemort is hiding, doesn't tell anyone..just goes in secret to be killed...And Voldemort kills him..But because Harry gave himself somehow he comes back to life but Voldy doesn't catch on. So Voldemort and all his supporters go to Hogwarts were like everyone who's anyone in the Wizarding world is at and is like 'Look, he's dead...your hero is dead..he was caught running away, trying to save himself..' (which is a lie..) At at the point everyone thinks its over..
i think that's probably what it was like for the disciples and the Jews. They thought they had someone who would lead them and save them...but instead he died..they thought he had been defeated and all hope was lost..But it wasn't..next in the book Voldemort tries to put spells on the crowd to make them be quiet (Harry is alive and awake this whole time just pretending to be dead, waiting for his opportune moment...) But Voldemorts spells to try and silence the crowd don't hold..they can still holler
"...he shouted, and there was an answering cheer from the crowd, whom Voldemort's silencing charms seemed unable to hold.."
Because Harry had died for them...
Now please do not take this the wrong way, i know Jesus' death had much more importance than that of a fictional wizard..
But Satan is trying to silence us..He said look, your king is dead?where is your conqueror now?but then Jesus wasn't dead for very long....and now, although sometimes he can be very effective..and can silence us for a time...ultimately...he has no hold on us, cause the creator of the universe died for us?
Acts17v24-29
trying to learn these verses off by heart cause i think they are incredible..
Had my second sober night out in Leeds last night for Hannah's birthday...not that you would think it from the pictures!every ones normally pretty shocked when they find out i'm not drunk cause i dance about like a loon anyway but i thank God that firstly his spirit in me makes me strong enough not to drink and also gives me confidence to not care what people think too much that i can have a good night sober!
And it was a good night...danced and laughed alot!
17v2-3"...He opened up the texts so they understood what they'd been reading all their lives: that the Messiah absolutely had to be put to death and raised from the dead—there were no other options—and that "this Jesus I'm introducing you to is that Messiah..."
Using the Message translation here so don't the verses exactly...I love reading verses in all the different translations..
So the Jews didn't believe that Jesus was the Messiah..cause they were expecting some valiant Saviour who would kill the Romans and give them freedom..But instead they got a carpenters son, who rode a donkey and let himself be murdered brutally by the very force they thought he had come to overthrow..But the Roman Empire wasn't the enemy Jesus had come to free them from..
So he teaches them in a way that they can see the predictions in the Old Testament and they realise that Jesus is the Messiah they have been waiting for, the Messiah that their people crowed at, and yelled to be crucified..
"there were no other options..." He had to die because the Roman Empire was not the main concern. The enemies in this world were not Gods concern then and he isn't too worried about them now. Because he uses them to build his people even when they do not want to be built..The adversaries in this world can only hurt flesh and feelings..and not to belittle that pain..it is very real. But Gods burden is our souls. And he wants to have us to him self for eternity and so, he had to attack the one person who could prevent that..gave his son instead..as a wager for our souls.
At the end of Harry Potter (yes i am about to compare Jesus to Harry Potter but go with me and don't take it too seriously...) So at the end of the last book; Harry willing gives himself to Lord Voldemort to be killed because Voldemort says he is going to kill everyone in Hogwarts unless he gets Harry..So Harry goes to were Voldemort is hiding, doesn't tell anyone..just goes in secret to be killed...And Voldemort kills him..But because Harry gave himself somehow he comes back to life but Voldy doesn't catch on. So Voldemort and all his supporters go to Hogwarts were like everyone who's anyone in the Wizarding world is at and is like 'Look, he's dead...your hero is dead..he was caught running away, trying to save himself..' (which is a lie..) At at the point everyone thinks its over..
i think that's probably what it was like for the disciples and the Jews. They thought they had someone who would lead them and save them...but instead he died..they thought he had been defeated and all hope was lost..But it wasn't..next in the book Voldemort tries to put spells on the crowd to make them be quiet (Harry is alive and awake this whole time just pretending to be dead, waiting for his opportune moment...) But Voldemorts spells to try and silence the crowd don't hold..they can still holler
"...he shouted, and there was an answering cheer from the crowd, whom Voldemort's silencing charms seemed unable to hold.."
Because Harry had died for them...
Now please do not take this the wrong way, i know Jesus' death had much more importance than that of a fictional wizard..
But Satan is trying to silence us..He said look, your king is dead?where is your conqueror now?but then Jesus wasn't dead for very long....and now, although sometimes he can be very effective..and can silence us for a time...ultimately...he has no hold on us, cause the creator of the universe died for us?
Acts17v24-29
"The God who made the world and everything in it, this Master of sky and land, doesn't live in custom-made shrines or need the human race to run errands for him,
as if he couldn't take care of himself.
He makes the creatures; the creatures don't make him.
Starting from scratch, he made the entire human race and made the earth hospitable, with plenty of time and space for living;
so we could seek after God, and not just grope around in the dark but actually find him.
He doesn't play hide-and-seek with us. He's not remote; he's near. We live and move in him, can't get away from him!
One of your poets said it well: 'We're the God-created.' Well, if we are the God-created, it doesn't make a lot of sense to think we could hire a sculptor to chisel a god out of stone for us, does it?"
trying to learn these verses off by heart cause i think they are incredible..
Had my second sober night out in Leeds last night for Hannah's birthday...not that you would think it from the pictures!every ones normally pretty shocked when they find out i'm not drunk cause i dance about like a loon anyway but i thank God that firstly his spirit in me makes me strong enough not to drink and also gives me confidence to not care what people think too much that i can have a good night sober!
And it was a good night...danced and laughed alot!
Tuesday 24 May 2011
some things i have been learning
i just love when you forget how important Jesus is and then remember all of a sudden and its like this joy bubbling inside my heart when i think how mad he is about me and about you and just how much he would do for me..Obviously its not great that i forget but the remembering bit is just worth it....
I've just been living in the verse 2Corinth12v9
"...But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me..."
i am so weak and i have nothing and God is happy. When i recognize that i cannot do this myself that's when there is room for God to move in my life and my heart...
"invading all my weakness;
You wrap me up in grace...
the worst of me succeeded by the best of you...
so i lay me down..
for Kingdom come
Steal all that is within me
cause ALL I WANT IN THIS WORLD IS MORE OF YOU"
God uses the weak, pathetic, useless to prove how MASSIVE WONDERFUL AND GRACIOUS he is...
do you ever get a little taste of Gods glory and it just leaves you so desperate for Him...
I am desperate for Jesus..i don't want anything if it wont bring me closer to him..I love the idea of God stealing all that is within us..Cause i think sometimes he has to nick things out from underneath me so that for a minute I'm left breathless, like I'm falling and then i remember that He's God for flip sake, firstly he can do whatever he likes and secondly sometimes he needs to take things away and knock me off balance to remind me that i HAVE to lean on him and that he will ALWAYS catch me..always be there for me to lean on, sturdy as a concrete post reinforced with steel.
"Turn your face upon Jesus,
Look full in his wonderful face
and the things of this world will grow strangely dim
in the light of his beauty and grace.."
if you don't get it, if you don't want to..but you want to want to get it then ask...ASK!
Matthew7v11 is about how God wants to give good gifts...and whats the best gift?falling in entirely head over heels sweaty palms thought consuming love with Jesus...
I've just been living in the verse 2Corinth12v9
"...But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me..."
i am so weak and i have nothing and God is happy. When i recognize that i cannot do this myself that's when there is room for God to move in my life and my heart...
"invading all my weakness;
You wrap me up in grace...
the worst of me succeeded by the best of you...
so i lay me down..
for Kingdom come
Steal all that is within me
cause ALL I WANT IN THIS WORLD IS MORE OF YOU"
God uses the weak, pathetic, useless to prove how MASSIVE WONDERFUL AND GRACIOUS he is...
do you ever get a little taste of Gods glory and it just leaves you so desperate for Him...
I am desperate for Jesus..i don't want anything if it wont bring me closer to him..I love the idea of God stealing all that is within us..Cause i think sometimes he has to nick things out from underneath me so that for a minute I'm left breathless, like I'm falling and then i remember that He's God for flip sake, firstly he can do whatever he likes and secondly sometimes he needs to take things away and knock me off balance to remind me that i HAVE to lean on him and that he will ALWAYS catch me..always be there for me to lean on, sturdy as a concrete post reinforced with steel.
"Turn your face upon Jesus,
Look full in his wonderful face
and the things of this world will grow strangely dim
in the light of his beauty and grace.."
if you don't get it, if you don't want to..but you want to want to get it then ask...ASK!
Matthew7v11 is about how God wants to give good gifts...and whats the best gift?falling in entirely head over heels sweaty palms thought consuming love with Jesus...
Sunday 22 May 2011
Saturday 21 May 2011
inspired by tumblr and avoiding uni work
i like.
right aligned text
old furry socks
basil
memories
the smell of coffee
the smell of coffee
the Wicked soundtrack
gold rings on every finger
Mr Bean
straw hats
day dreaming - too much!
chai tea lattes
my filofax
psalm 62 (read it)
Baz Luhrmann
my filofax
psalm 62 (read it)
Baz Luhrmann
pearls
drinking juice from a tumbler with a straw
writing lists
writing letters
writing i love you
bright red lipstick
being caught unawares
showering before bed
holiday bracelets
poetry that doesn't rhyme
blogging
pretending to be in a music video in the gym
going to the gym (!)
the word 'alas'
the word 'darling'
post-it notes
William Shakespeare
Romeo and Juliet
Macbeth
Pride and Prejudice
William Shakespeare
Romeo and Juliet
Macbeth
Pride and Prejudice
drawing hearts everywhere
being tanned
grand statements
simple gestures
simple gestures
forcing myself to see the beauty
accepting the unexplainable
plants in mugs
external processors
bright nail polish
twitter
paper chains
being looked after
looking after people
looking after people
muller rice
redeeming love
any kind of love
romance
any kind of love
romance
quick wit
the O's at the pier
the O's at the pier
william shakespeare
"...I am constant as the northern star,
Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality
There is no fellow in the firmament...."
"...this above all;
to thine ownself be true..."
Friday 20 May 2011
'iya
so booked my flights home today!decided to sack the last month of uni off cause two hours a week till the end of June was just ridic, and i have a job interview...so going homeo 1st of June..WOOO!
http://justlittlethings.tumblr.com/ do it....if you click on archive it shows them all at the same time so you don't have to click and scroll so often..
i always rub my eyes when I'm tired so i love that one..
these are just some pictures i like from my flatmates tumblr!
so when i talked about before how we have freedom cause we can rest in the fact that we don't need our will fulfilled, and we don't have control..been thinking that it also gives us freedom of image; being back in Leeds, being quite attacked about the way i look and just finding it really difficult not to let it get to me too much..but I've realised that the way i look doesn't matter and as long as my heart is seeking God then that is ALL THAT MATTERS..and if i look nice well that's OK but it won't mean anything in eternity...not saying that its wrong to care about how you look, but it can easily for me become too important; trying on everything i own and then having a bitch fit and proclaiming 'i'm not going out, everything i have is hideous... ' just to go to Morrison's for a food shop just isn't OK.thankfully i have Danielle to tell me to wise up and that I'm being a princess but still something i have to keep an eye on i think!
however i do wish it was sunny in Leeds so i could wear my new straw hat.......
i always rub my eyes when I'm tired so i love that one..
these are just some pictures i like from my flatmates tumblr!
so when i talked about before how we have freedom cause we can rest in the fact that we don't need our will fulfilled, and we don't have control..been thinking that it also gives us freedom of image; being back in Leeds, being quite attacked about the way i look and just finding it really difficult not to let it get to me too much..but I've realised that the way i look doesn't matter and as long as my heart is seeking God then that is ALL THAT MATTERS..and if i look nice well that's OK but it won't mean anything in eternity...not saying that its wrong to care about how you look, but it can easily for me become too important; trying on everything i own and then having a bitch fit and proclaiming 'i'm not going out, everything i have is hideous... ' just to go to Morrison's for a food shop just isn't OK.thankfully i have Danielle to tell me to wise up and that I'm being a princess but still something i have to keep an eye on i think!
however i do wish it was sunny in Leeds so i could wear my new straw hat.......
Wednesday 18 May 2011
cause its bigger than uss..
i, for once in my life, have a normal sleeping pattern!WOOO...this is excited...got up yesturday at like 8 and wasnt tired, no nap during the day and last night went to bed at like half ten, read for a bit then was asleep by like half 11, this morning up for gym at like 7 and i'm sweet!no nap, gym again tonight and then sleep..i am excited not to be tired or asleep all the time.ha
so just back from gym, waiting for danielle to get out of the shower..got to wear my new jogging bottoms.woo!
this is from a tumblr called just-littlethings..and if you ever forget how blessed you are you should find it, google it or something but its just a list of things that will put a smile on your face
so part2, bought some BRIGHT red lipstick today....interesting..
my devotions last night has sparked some thoughts in me...
Phil4v7
so just back from gym, waiting for danielle to get out of the shower..got to wear my new jogging bottoms.woo!
this is from a tumblr called just-littlethings..and if you ever forget how blessed you are you should find it, google it or something but its just a list of things that will put a smile on your face
so part2, bought some BRIGHT red lipstick today....interesting..
my devotions last night has sparked some thoughts in me...
Phil4v7
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
i just like that verse not sure how it overly relates to these thoughts but we shall see..
right...its horrible to be trapped in the constant worry about myself and my future etc, and the things that i want, and want NOW!By falling more and more in love with Jesus I've given, or try to daily, give over my will to him..And i have found that there is FREEDOM in knowing that i only want what God wants, because that is whats going to bring me the most joy and although what he wants might not be what my flesh wants, and might be difficult, it is what will build the character of Christ in me! I don't have to worry or stress or try to orchestrate my life, relationships or events because i love my Father and as long as i am constantly running to him - nothing else really matters. And what i have found, is that it is when 'nothing else' matters that, that 'nothing else' seems to be rather perfect :)
there is freedom in knowing that i won't get what i want!
there is peace!
went to see my knew house the other day with Danielle!its just lovely...little cottage for the two of us and D.W, Kelly and hevs are living like next door...so excited to move out of Little London and away from the mandem.
Tuesday 17 May 2011
do you feel it?
having a coke with you
is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluoresent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I'm with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o'clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles
and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them
I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it's in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven't gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider as carefully
as the horse
it seems they were all cheated of some marvellous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it
this is by Frank O'Hara...its lovely
i always sit down to write these things and everything i wanted to say just vanishes from my brain and instead its filled with silly things..ha..
So some of the super injunctions are going to be lifted ..I'm not sure how i feel about this..i think that people do have a right to privacy, like when its they're kids names or they're private info, but for sordid affairs..?if they weren't dabbling in debauchery then they would have nothing to hide..and for some reason it seems to be quite acceptable to have affairs as long as they can keep in on the dl?As for politicians, i don't really think they should be allowed super - injunctions on the media for immorality..cause they're leading the country? Instead of hiding it, or having to apologize for sleeping with your secretary on your desk, how about just not doing it in the first place? imagine, being faithful to your partner..WOAAHH..
Read this book in America called Grace Exchange and there was a story analogy thing that was in it and its just been in my head a bit recently..prob not gonna be able to tell it right but I'll try..you should get the book..
So there's like this really really rich King over a country and he has no son for an heir..so he goes onto the streets and adopts like a street urchin..in my head its Oliver, like steals him away from Fagans oily clutches..sorry sidebar..but anyway so he adopts him and the urchin comes to live in the palace and he will one day own the country and rule etc and he can have anything he wants now..So obv like the street urchins buzzin...but the King keeps a wee eye on him and notices that he keeps slipping like the odd gold plate or candlestick into his pocket (not sure how you casually slip that into your pocket but go with it). Anyway the street urchin is stealing from the king because he doesn't grasp that he is adopted, its like he believes one day this is gonna run out and he's gonna be back on the street so he starts preparing for that now..he is legally a prince, and will one day be a king..but he still has the attitude of distrust, fear and begins to hoard the treasures in the palace...Instead of acknowledging that he is a prince, his future is secure, he doesn't need to worry about the things of the world cause his now father is looking after him and will continue to, unitll he himself is king..
we are the street urchins.
we cling to things that God has given to us cause we miss the point.
we are royalty.
is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluoresent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I'm with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o'clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles
and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them
I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it's in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven't gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider as carefully
as the horse
it seems they were all cheated of some marvellous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it
this is by Frank O'Hara...its lovely
i always sit down to write these things and everything i wanted to say just vanishes from my brain and instead its filled with silly things..ha..
So some of the super injunctions are going to be lifted ..I'm not sure how i feel about this..i think that people do have a right to privacy, like when its they're kids names or they're private info, but for sordid affairs..?if they weren't dabbling in debauchery then they would have nothing to hide..and for some reason it seems to be quite acceptable to have affairs as long as they can keep in on the dl?As for politicians, i don't really think they should be allowed super - injunctions on the media for immorality..cause they're leading the country? Instead of hiding it, or having to apologize for sleeping with your secretary on your desk, how about just not doing it in the first place? imagine, being faithful to your partner..WOAAHH..
Read this book in America called Grace Exchange and there was a story analogy thing that was in it and its just been in my head a bit recently..prob not gonna be able to tell it right but I'll try..you should get the book..
So there's like this really really rich King over a country and he has no son for an heir..so he goes onto the streets and adopts like a street urchin..in my head its Oliver, like steals him away from Fagans oily clutches..sorry sidebar..but anyway so he adopts him and the urchin comes to live in the palace and he will one day own the country and rule etc and he can have anything he wants now..So obv like the street urchins buzzin...but the King keeps a wee eye on him and notices that he keeps slipping like the odd gold plate or candlestick into his pocket (not sure how you casually slip that into your pocket but go with it). Anyway the street urchin is stealing from the king because he doesn't grasp that he is adopted, its like he believes one day this is gonna run out and he's gonna be back on the street so he starts preparing for that now..he is legally a prince, and will one day be a king..but he still has the attitude of distrust, fear and begins to hoard the treasures in the palace...Instead of acknowledging that he is a prince, his future is secure, he doesn't need to worry about the things of the world cause his now father is looking after him and will continue to, unitll he himself is king..
we are the street urchins.
we cling to things that God has given to us cause we miss the point.
we are royalty.
Saturday 14 May 2011
jack karouac
"...the only people for me are the mad ones
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved
desirous of everything at the same time
the ones that never yawn or say a common place thing
but!they burn burn burn
like a fabulous roman candle
exploding like spiders across the stars
and in the middle you see the blue centre light pop
and in the middle you see the blue centre light pop
and everybody goes 'awwww'....."
Friday 13 May 2011
and i am addicted to this like you would not believe....
jamie xx is playing sunday night in leeds and i wana go so freaking bad..but i wont..and thats ok :)
dear heart, how like you this...?
become quite obsessed with this poem by Sir Thomas Wyatt..there was an article about it in vogue, comparing the relationship between Anne Boleyn and Henry the Eighth and Will and Kate...And this Wyatt was one of King Henry's lads, but he was in love with Anne Boleyn too!apparently any way...and there's just this one line and it says "...There withal sweetly did me kiss, and softly say, 'dear heart, how like you this?'" and i just love it..
at the minute i also love Psalm 62..you know the way sometimes a chapter is just in your head..like i kept thinking over and over psalm 62..so i was sure i musta read it before but turns out i hadn't...but I'm swiftly falling in love with itt..trying to learn some of it off by heart..i love verses1-2 and 5-6..they're pretty similar but they just talk about finding rest in God and putting my hope in him..since being back in Leeds theres been days when I've felt really defeated..like i didn't think i could do it..and God was just chuckling away, like 'Sophie, you cant do it...we've been through this beforee..get up and wise up and KNOW that i am the only thing that satisfies and i am BIGGER than anything in this world and i LOVE you..' Thank you God for saving me!!And then i am just so blessed...faced some funny reactions in Leeds to this sudden change in my behaviour..the most common one is laughter..and also then people just say that it wont last...But there are people, who i love ALOT who are encouraging me too and its awesome..
I also love v11-12...where it talks about God is strong and he loves me..theres a Jon Foreman song based on the same thing..Called Your Love Is Strong funny enough..but its awesome..like God is strong, and he loves us..but his love is strong too!flip yes!
Also at the minute just loving Come Thou Fount..listened to the Sufjan Stevens version about a hundred times..it just fills me with serious amounts of joy..just the most beautiful lyrics..
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount, I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I'll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
(next tattoo maybe?we shall see)
so Leeds is great..got involved with the student life group..which is kinda like a house group i think..going to that next week, and helping out with a big youth event they're having at the end of the month!!In church i was like right I'm gonna go speak to someone at the end to get more involved but of course i got too scaredd...ahahaa but someone came over to us!!and was like hi, just noticed you were knew wanted to come say hi..me and Hannah were like uhh we've been coming here since September..But i think like when you don't wanna be involved in church you wont be..cause i had opened my heart to a church (scary) people noticed!so i asked her about house group and then we got chatting and i said i did youth work at uni and she was like ooh you have to help out..hahaaa which is awesome!God is def looking out for me even when I'm too scared!
definitely think Gods working on some anger issues in me too..ha I've noticed that its like my default emotion?that when something goes wrong i just get angry!!and I've noticed past couple of times when something happens that normally i would kick right off at, i haven't..actually managed to be quite rational for once which is definitely not me..
writing alot of letters at the minute..to people but like not actually giving them..i might one day, depends how things turn out..but i learnt when i was in America that i find it really difficult when I'm feeling something not to just say it..cause i am learning, slowly but surely, that sometimes theres
going to the gym alot, which is horrid but good...determined to lose the America weight from various peanut flavoured goods...
watched million pound drop tonight with Danielle, and we played along online...honestly thought i was gonna throw up i was laughing that hard..we are going on that show like!
another edit..learning alot about singleness, reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye..and i like it!a bit extreme in parts but good..and i am happy being single!which for me is bizarre..i really had to get to a point where God had said, what if i ask you to be single for the rest of your life?and i would be ok with that!when He first asked me i flipped..God is very blunt with me alot..and i was like just like WHAT?ehh i will not be single for the rest of my life..and he was like well what if thats what i want for you...and i was like...oh..hahaa.obv it would be hard, but then my whole entire heart would belong to Jesus and noone else and that excites me!however i have a desire for a family and i believe thats from God..but we so often view singleness as a time of want and striving for relationships..but God has you and me single for a reason and you had better believe he's gonna use that time to change you heart..to conform you to his will to be the image of Christ..
God is good..in all things.
read psalm62, and 57.
at the minute i also love Psalm 62..you know the way sometimes a chapter is just in your head..like i kept thinking over and over psalm 62..so i was sure i musta read it before but turns out i hadn't...but I'm swiftly falling in love with itt..trying to learn some of it off by heart..i love verses1-2 and 5-6..they're pretty similar but they just talk about finding rest in God and putting my hope in him..since being back in Leeds theres been days when I've felt really defeated..like i didn't think i could do it..and God was just chuckling away, like 'Sophie, you cant do it...we've been through this beforee..get up and wise up and KNOW that i am the only thing that satisfies and i am BIGGER than anything in this world and i LOVE you..' Thank you God for saving me!!And then i am just so blessed...faced some funny reactions in Leeds to this sudden change in my behaviour..the most common one is laughter..and also then people just say that it wont last...But there are people, who i love ALOT who are encouraging me too and its awesome..
I also love v11-12...where it talks about God is strong and he loves me..theres a Jon Foreman song based on the same thing..Called Your Love Is Strong funny enough..but its awesome..like God is strong, and he loves us..but his love is strong too!flip yes!
Also at the minute just loving Come Thou Fount..listened to the Sufjan Stevens version about a hundred times..it just fills me with serious amounts of joy..just the most beautiful lyrics..
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount, I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I'll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
(next tattoo maybe?we shall see)
so Leeds is great..got involved with the student life group..which is kinda like a house group i think..going to that next week, and helping out with a big youth event they're having at the end of the month!!In church i was like right I'm gonna go speak to someone at the end to get more involved but of course i got too scaredd...ahahaa but someone came over to us!!and was like hi, just noticed you were knew wanted to come say hi..me and Hannah were like uhh we've been coming here since September..But i think like when you don't wanna be involved in church you wont be..cause i had opened my heart to a church (scary) people noticed!so i asked her about house group and then we got chatting and i said i did youth work at uni and she was like ooh you have to help out..hahaaa which is awesome!God is def looking out for me even when I'm too scared!
definitely think Gods working on some anger issues in me too..ha I've noticed that its like my default emotion?that when something goes wrong i just get angry!!and I've noticed past couple of times when something happens that normally i would kick right off at, i haven't..actually managed to be quite rational for once which is definitely not me..
writing alot of letters at the minute..to people but like not actually giving them..i might one day, depends how things turn out..but i learnt when i was in America that i find it really difficult when I'm feeling something not to just say it..cause i am learning, slowly but surely, that sometimes theres
going to the gym alot, which is horrid but good...determined to lose the America weight from various peanut flavoured goods...
watched million pound drop tonight with Danielle, and we played along online...honestly thought i was gonna throw up i was laughing that hard..we are going on that show like!
another edit..learning alot about singleness, reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye..and i like it!a bit extreme in parts but good..and i am happy being single!which for me is bizarre..i really had to get to a point where God had said, what if i ask you to be single for the rest of your life?and i would be ok with that!when He first asked me i flipped..God is very blunt with me alot..and i was like just like WHAT?ehh i will not be single for the rest of my life..and he was like well what if thats what i want for you...and i was like...oh..hahaa.obv it would be hard, but then my whole entire heart would belong to Jesus and noone else and that excites me!however i have a desire for a family and i believe thats from God..but we so often view singleness as a time of want and striving for relationships..but God has you and me single for a reason and you had better believe he's gonna use that time to change you heart..to conform you to his will to be the image of Christ..
God is good..in all things.
read psalm62, and 57.
Sunday 1 May 2011
choices&a change of heart
Hii so i've completely neglected this recently, sorrry..but i have been busyy..and haven't been learning a whole lott..untill this past couple of dayss..untill i stopped worry about what people thought about me in Bangor, stopped thinking about myself and actually turned to God and let him in again :)
Recently ive just had the idea of the character of christ in my head..and that in ALLL things i need to be acting like Christ and its just really not acceptable when i dont..like with people who wind me up and i wana make wee cheeky remarks and undermine them and i cant!!cause if i did that i would be undermining Christ..and making a mockery of his spirit in me..Particularly when someone does something that offends me or hurts me..everything within me wants to turn round and bite their head off, defend myselff..but i have to have humility and just lay down my rights, and its not easyy..
Also realised that i am a hopeless romanticc..haha not that theres any romance in my life..ha and i am ok with that..kinda..working on it..ha. watched Beastly the other night with my wee mum and i just love it soo much..ahha absolute sop!!
and i've become obssessed with twiiterrr..!if you have it.. SophLen (if you dont, get it) but i warn you its major addictive..And on there i follow Greg James, whos going out with the lovely Ellie Goulding (like i know them hahahaha ccreeeeeep) so she was singing at the private royal wedding reception..and that he, obv just before she started the gig he tweeted "You'll have to excuse me. My favourite person in the world is about to do the gig of her life and i couldn't be more proud. What a day." HOW STINKIN CUTE! i actually nearly cried..haha definatly not ok..but he just loves her so much and just isn't afraid!!hahahahaha hopeless romantic me..
cause ive been really struggling with studying and having good quite times and then this morning in church i was like ok this week God i'll try really hard...and i just completely caught myself and was like I wont be able to try anything and if i do ill just faill..so i was like God i cant do this, i don't have a thirst right now..will you please help me to be motivated and to desire to spend more time with you...and i trust that he will!!
Also Gods been teaching me alot that its my choice..Like i believe God is completely in control, that he has planned it all and is Sovereign in everything but i also believe i have free will. i dont know how these things add up but i just have to accept that that's the way it is..But that like i can choose to have alot of friends, or to go out or drink or have a boyfriend or be the popular one who makes a lot of sarcastic jokes and just be liked by the worlds standards......or i can have Jesus. And i have to make that choice in every action i make...cause if i want like to have alot of friends, that are good friends but not necessarily encouraging then God will give them to me..cause its like the blind man in Luke 18, he just wanted sight so Jesus gave it to him..He will honour us in our requests i think sometimes. If Jesus was standing in front of you and would give you anything you wanted what would you ask for?this of this world or just to love him more? Sometimes i'm really not sure and it scares me. Or i can choose to just be alone a lot more for now untill God brings some good, encouraging friends that he has chosen for me into my life..So its like sacrificing what would feel good now for something better..you know?and that then when i make that choice to wait for better friends then i need to be joyful in that and not mope when i feel a bit lonley cause i trust that Gods timing is better than mine!! And he is slowly starting to do it..and i have really really great friends..had such a funny walk with Z yesturdayy..just chat and walk round the coast it was lovely..and wee Hana, Sian and Emma are away back to unii..i miss them alottt :(
So yeaa, trying not to control my life too much..trusting that God is in controll its difficult though!cause theres alot that i want to do but i needa trust Gods timinggg..
And go back to leeds on tues...SO EXCITEDDDDD..cant wait to see everybodyy..its been toooooo longgggggg
Recently ive just had the idea of the character of christ in my head..and that in ALLL things i need to be acting like Christ and its just really not acceptable when i dont..like with people who wind me up and i wana make wee cheeky remarks and undermine them and i cant!!cause if i did that i would be undermining Christ..and making a mockery of his spirit in me..Particularly when someone does something that offends me or hurts me..everything within me wants to turn round and bite their head off, defend myselff..but i have to have humility and just lay down my rights, and its not easyy..
Also realised that i am a hopeless romanticc..haha not that theres any romance in my life..ha and i am ok with that..kinda..working on it..ha. watched Beastly the other night with my wee mum and i just love it soo much..ahha absolute sop!!
and i've become obssessed with twiiterrr..!if you have it.. SophLen (if you dont, get it) but i warn you its major addictive..And on there i follow Greg James, whos going out with the lovely Ellie Goulding (like i know them hahahaha ccreeeeeep) so she was singing at the private royal wedding reception..and that he, obv just before she started the gig he tweeted "You'll have to excuse me. My favourite person in the world is about to do the gig of her life and i couldn't be more proud. What a day." HOW STINKIN CUTE! i actually nearly cried..haha definatly not ok..but he just loves her so much and just isn't afraid!!hahahahaha hopeless romantic me..
cause ive been really struggling with studying and having good quite times and then this morning in church i was like ok this week God i'll try really hard...and i just completely caught myself and was like I wont be able to try anything and if i do ill just faill..so i was like God i cant do this, i don't have a thirst right now..will you please help me to be motivated and to desire to spend more time with you...and i trust that he will!!
Also Gods been teaching me alot that its my choice..Like i believe God is completely in control, that he has planned it all and is Sovereign in everything but i also believe i have free will. i dont know how these things add up but i just have to accept that that's the way it is..But that like i can choose to have alot of friends, or to go out or drink or have a boyfriend or be the popular one who makes a lot of sarcastic jokes and just be liked by the worlds standards......or i can have Jesus. And i have to make that choice in every action i make...cause if i want like to have alot of friends, that are good friends but not necessarily encouraging then God will give them to me..cause its like the blind man in Luke 18, he just wanted sight so Jesus gave it to him..He will honour us in our requests i think sometimes. If Jesus was standing in front of you and would give you anything you wanted what would you ask for?this of this world or just to love him more? Sometimes i'm really not sure and it scares me. Or i can choose to just be alone a lot more for now untill God brings some good, encouraging friends that he has chosen for me into my life..So its like sacrificing what would feel good now for something better..you know?and that then when i make that choice to wait for better friends then i need to be joyful in that and not mope when i feel a bit lonley cause i trust that Gods timing is better than mine!! And he is slowly starting to do it..and i have really really great friends..had such a funny walk with Z yesturdayy..just chat and walk round the coast it was lovely..and wee Hana, Sian and Emma are away back to unii..i miss them alottt :(
So yeaa, trying not to control my life too much..trusting that God is in controll its difficult though!cause theres alot that i want to do but i needa trust Gods timinggg..
And go back to leeds on tues...SO EXCITEDDDDD..cant wait to see everybodyy..its been toooooo longgggggg
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)