Hii so i've completely neglected this recently, sorrry..but i have been busyy..and haven't been learning a whole lott..untill this past couple of dayss..untill i stopped worry about what people thought about me in Bangor, stopped thinking about myself and actually turned to God and let him in again :)
Recently ive just had the idea of the character of christ in my head..and that in ALLL things i need to be acting like Christ and its just really not acceptable when i dont..like with people who wind me up and i wana make wee cheeky remarks and undermine them and i cant!!cause if i did that i would be undermining Christ..and making a mockery of his spirit in me..Particularly when someone does something that offends me or hurts me..everything within me wants to turn round and bite their head off, defend myselff..but i have to have humility and just lay down my rights, and its not easyy..
Also realised that i am a hopeless romanticc..haha not that theres any romance in my life..ha and i am ok with that..kinda..working on it..ha. watched Beastly the other night with my wee mum and i just love it soo much..ahha absolute sop!!
and i've become obssessed with twiiterrr..!if you have it.. SophLen (if you dont, get it) but i warn you its major addictive..And on there i follow Greg James, whos going out with the lovely Ellie Goulding (like i know them hahahaha ccreeeeeep) so she was singing at the private royal wedding reception..and that he, obv just before she started the gig he tweeted "You'll have to excuse me. My favourite person in the world is about to do the gig of her life and i couldn't be more proud. What a day." HOW STINKIN CUTE! i actually nearly cried..haha definatly not ok..but he just loves her so much and just isn't afraid!!hahahahaha hopeless romantic me..
cause ive been really struggling with studying and having good quite times and then this morning in church i was like ok this week God i'll try really hard...and i just completely caught myself and was like I wont be able to try anything and if i do ill just faill..so i was like God i cant do this, i don't have a thirst right now..will you please help me to be motivated and to desire to spend more time with you...and i trust that he will!!
Also Gods been teaching me alot that its my choice..Like i believe God is completely in control, that he has planned it all and is Sovereign in everything but i also believe i have free will. i dont know how these things add up but i just have to accept that that's the way it is..But that like i can choose to have alot of friends, or to go out or drink or have a boyfriend or be the popular one who makes a lot of sarcastic jokes and just be liked by the worlds standards......or i can have Jesus. And i have to make that choice in every action i make...cause if i want like to have alot of friends, that are good friends but not necessarily encouraging then God will give them to me..cause its like the blind man in Luke 18, he just wanted sight so Jesus gave it to him..He will honour us in our requests i think sometimes. If Jesus was standing in front of you and would give you anything you wanted what would you ask for?this of this world or just to love him more? Sometimes i'm really not sure and it scares me. Or i can choose to just be alone a lot more for now untill God brings some good, encouraging friends that he has chosen for me into my life..So its like sacrificing what would feel good now for something better..you know?and that then when i make that choice to wait for better friends then i need to be joyful in that and not mope when i feel a bit lonley cause i trust that Gods timing is better than mine!! And he is slowly starting to do it..and i have really really great friends..had such a funny walk with Z yesturdayy..just chat and walk round the coast it was lovely..and wee Hana, Sian and Emma are away back to unii..i miss them alottt :(
So yeaa, trying not to control my life too much..trusting that God is in controll its difficult though!cause theres alot that i want to do but i needa trust Gods timinggg..
And go back to leeds on tues...SO EXCITEDDDDD..cant wait to see everybodyy..its been toooooo longgggggg
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