i am so bad at keeping how i feel hidden
sometimes i feel its going to bubble over
like my ribcage can't contain it
trying to live in grace is really hard
waking every morning and wiping all the slates clean
i have had to remove 'not this again' from my vocabulary
and its hard because that person has hurt you
its hard because we don't to let that anger go
they have damaged something and its not easy to let that go
you may feel angry or rejected or sad
but when you peel that emotion back,
when you peel off the plaster you will find a wound
and it stings like hell exposing that cut
makes you suck your breath in quickly between clenched teeth
but you have to
it won't heal in the dark
and more often than not, the person that grazed you won't be able to heal it
no matter how much you want them to fix it
and you want them to know the depth and breadth of the pain
they can't and won't help
i have the urge to raise my voice and swear and gesticulate with my hands at you
but you would do yourself alot of favours darling if you realised the world is not against you
so we remove the bandages and stand bare
infront of the person who knows what it is like to be pierced
we have to let him take the fury and the rejection and melancholy and replace it with love and grace and peace
the scars in your psyche, in your trust, in your relationship and in your memory are not there to remind you of the hurt, but to remind you that the bloody graze that stung with tears and oozed with malice has been replaced with a snow white scar, washed clean, pure and closed..
so when you feel like dragging up the past, it isnt there...and if the wound is re-opened it'll leave a bigger scar this time when its healed
so i have to live in a place of grace and scars
when God looks at us he does not see a great bloody mess but rather pure white because of someone else's scars
and we should look the same at the people who have hurt us
and be thankful that those we have hurt return the favour