feel very blessed currently..sitting with a peanut butter and chocolate chip pancake..with the sun shining outside (although its freezing, i can pretend) and the birds chirping..its been a really awesome week...
thought that i hadn't really learnt alot but then in my little time in the cafe this morning i realised that i def havee..soo i shall fill you inn..
Cause on sunday we have so much teaching, sunday school, church, awe service and service at New Grounds i just kinda write it all down and then on monday morning i read over it all again properly..and its funny, when i do that my eye normally catches something else in the bible thats really relevantt..so like this week i posted about how i didn't have any regrets and then i was kind of wondering if that was a biblical thing..to not regret stuff..and i was just about to start reading 2Corinthians8 and 9 cause thats what Don talked about on Sunday nightt..and i felt like i should act start reading at 7..so i did..low and behold i stumble upon this little beautyy..v10 "..Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret..." so that made me pretty happyyy..
Also been on this major rant about how the things of this earth will have no importance in eternity, that Jesus is the prize and should be first in our hearts...and then spied Matthew 6 this morning when i was reading something else entirely..v19-21"...Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.... " there are soo many layers to thiss..and me jill and tina had a good longggg chat about it todayy...northern irish people...in particular...are awfulll at putting so much value on relationshipss..they become our identity and the 'prizee..'..its not good, not God and will have no meaning in heaven!!Everything we have on earth is a gift..that can be given or taken away whenever God pleases...things in heaven are our treasure...for all eternity..if our heart is for money or relationships or popularity or friends...then its not for Jesus....and its not good enough...i keep kinda getting it...then forgetting it..then getting it...its strange..but i just want people to understand and i want to understand that Jesus must come first...relationships are not medals...and our treasure is in heaven...hm
starting to get really scared about coming homee..soo thankful ill have don, trav and Beki there for the first wee whilleee..hmm..and Jesus..ha..
learning alot about humility too..
ashley leaves on friday for Guatamala :(
Did loaddss of stuff on my bucket list this weekend...went to see Beastly at the cinema in Canton..which was lovelyy...def go see..and went to cracker barrel for lunch..then hung out with Jills grandparents..so cutee...and took some photos..tomorrow going to have a proper photo day cause biblical training is cancelled in the morninggg..
tomorrow i also have to record my re-write on 1 Corinthians 13...awwwghhhhh.....i had to record the voice bit of it last weeek..into like this professional mic..scariest thing everr..so tomorrow doing the actual filming so it should be interestinggg..nervous thoughh!
"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age...." Matt28v20
Monday 28 March 2011
Sunday 27 March 2011
here's to honesty
honesty is dead.
i am ok. i understand. we are ok.
really?cause sometimes i'm not ok. sometimes i'm on top of the world..i hurt peoples feelings. and when i wear pumps without socks my feet smell. and i need second chances, frequnetly i need third and fourth chances. Criticisms in love make compliments all the sweeter..Awkward is awful. Awkward is honest. telling people how you feel. telling people why you feel how you feel. honest is uncomfortable. how can i speak up when something is misleading confusing frustrating, how can i explain when your words do not match your actions? honesty without condemnation.we have to tell people when they mean too much to us and we're scared...i love you...Jesus loves you..community requires honesty..well community requires Jesus..but he is truth..then you will know the truth...and the truth will set you free...i need truth, i need your honesty with me and i need second chances.
here's to honesty
i am ok. i understand. we are ok.
really?cause sometimes i'm not ok. sometimes i'm on top of the world..i hurt peoples feelings. and when i wear pumps without socks my feet smell. and i need second chances, frequnetly i need third and fourth chances. Criticisms in love make compliments all the sweeter..Awkward is awful. Awkward is honest. telling people how you feel. telling people why you feel how you feel. honest is uncomfortable. how can i speak up when something is misleading confusing frustrating, how can i explain when your words do not match your actions? honesty without condemnation.we have to tell people when they mean too much to us and we're scared...i love you...Jesus loves you..community requires honesty..well community requires Jesus..but he is truth..then you will know the truth...and the truth will set you free...i need truth, i need your honesty with me and i need second chances.
here's to honesty
Friday 25 March 2011
fun day
soo after my young life training this morning jilly willy and teener weener picked me up and we went for macdonalds yum and thennnn tina was like heyyyyy we'll maybs get our tattoosss today...so we diddd..so thats another one of my bucket listt..and something permanent as a souvineer..and memories..Neener laid still as a log during hers and i squealed and pulled ridic faces...mum don't be mad..then we went to walmart and got coke in glass bottles...
mark 5v41..."He [Jesus] took her by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum." (which means little girl i say to you get up)..."
Micah 7v8-9...."Though i have fallen i will rise. Though i sit in darkness the Lord will be my light. Because i have sinned against him I will bear the Lords wrath untill he pleads my case and establishes my right..He will bring me out into the light...I will see righteousness..."
I have fallen down many times and will continue to..but Jesus will take me by the hand and help me up...
we are all made out of shipwrecks
WOODEN HEART (sea of mist called skaidan)
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in savior
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in savior
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
your love is strong and you love me
sometimes when your heart hurts for the people you love and the situations you cannot control you have to fix your eyes on God because he is bigger than the hurt
Thursday 24 March 2011
23 days left....
AHHHHH...feel a bit sick that i've not got long leftt...
had a good long skype yesturday with Danielleee....i am not ashamed of the things i have done...they have made me who i am, i felt convicted and i believe i am forgiven..but i have no regrets...i love my friends...the majority of people who i hold closest in my heart are not christians..and i dont care one bit..i can be completely myself around them, and not only do they accept me, they support me..and i love them so much for itt..i love hearing about their livess..i love hearing the stories that make them who they are whether its absolute maddness on a night out or how some girls pissed them off..i do not judge them in anyway..i love them :) both leeds and bangor...my one true lovess..
had a good long skype yesturday with Danielleee....i am not ashamed of the things i have done...they have made me who i am, i felt convicted and i believe i am forgiven..but i have no regrets...i love my friends...the majority of people who i hold closest in my heart are not christians..and i dont care one bit..i can be completely myself around them, and not only do they accept me, they support me..and i love them so much for itt..i love hearing about their livess..i love hearing the stories that make them who they are whether its absolute maddness on a night out or how some girls pissed them off..i do not judge them in anyway..i love them :) both leeds and bangor...my one true lovess..
Wednesday 23 March 2011
Neeners fav
When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin, not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul
It is well with my soul
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin, not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul
It is well with my soul
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
Tuesday 22 March 2011
he has made everything beautiful in its time...
soo i find when i'm praying alot about this one thing i keep getting Ecclesiastes 3:1 in my head which is "there is a time for everythingg.." and also v11 "He has made everything beautiful in its timee..." which is frustrating cause i dont really understand what that means when applied..butttt..what God has really revealed to me, is that he doesnt do maybe...he does not say, not now maybe laterr..he says no..or yess...and right now..its a no...and thats what i need to remember..there may be a point when it is a yes..but right now..its no..and i dont know whether its a no, that isn't going to happen or no i'm not going to change your feelings for itt right now i'm trying to teach you something will you just learn..its difficult but it is teaching me to trust..alott...
also....so many times i try to have all my "ducks in a row" when i want to do something...i'm like when i'm back at home, or when they're there..or when this has happened i'll make a movee..i'll do it then..and i forget that if God has placed something on my heart..i should be doing it noww..because thats why he put it theree..if he wants me to wait he'll have showed me that..but i doubt he would ever want me to wait be cause my own geographical, physical position isnt where i would like it to be...its all about him..its his plann..
also....so many times i try to have all my "ducks in a row" when i want to do something...i'm like when i'm back at home, or when they're there..or when this has happened i'll make a movee..i'll do it then..and i forget that if God has placed something on my heart..i should be doing it noww..because thats why he put it theree..if he wants me to wait he'll have showed me that..but i doubt he would ever want me to wait be cause my own geographical, physical position isnt where i would like it to be...its all about him..its his plann..
Sunday 20 March 2011
no chains on me
was going to write this last night when we got home from the gig but didn't think blogging at 3am after alot of energy drink would be wisee..
last night was soo good, so proud of the rend boys, the lads from the ministry said they wished rend had just played all nightt..they loved it!was just lovely to see them and have a good chatt..so proud of them all :)
learnt some things too..
umm the chris tomlin songg.."no chains on me, my heart's set freee.." and also the rend song "you put on our chainss, sent us out through the open doorr.."
the chains of this world, the things that are held in high regard, will have no value in eternity..i have been chasing after things that don't matter..i just realised that Jesus really is the prizee..i don't think that i fully get it, and i hope that i will continue to get it a bit moree through my life but i just want Jesus..My life is not my own, nothing i have is mine it is all a gift..i just want what Jesus wantss..i dont want my life if i have to control it...cause it will just end up as crap..worthless in eternity
Jesus will ask things of me but i will not have to do it alone..when Jesus fed the 5,000, he asked Philip and Andrew initially how they were going to feed all of the people..and they panicked, tried to find a way to do it themselves, they never once considered asking Jesus for help..then i woke up and all i could think of was Romans6v8..i didnt know what the verse was so i looked it upp.."...now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.... "
its a struggle to fight what i want sometimess..but i just know that what i want will never be right, will never be good for mee..
"my chains are goneee..i've been set freee..my God, my saviour has ransomned me...and like a flood his mercy reigns..unending lovee..amazing graceee.."
its a choicee..earthly happiness for 80yearss...or eternal joy with Jesus...
God has done so much for me..taken away what distracted my heart from him..and given me people who grow me in his will..
had some funny would you rathers with Josh and Ashley on the way homee..my personal fav...would you rather fight a horse sized duck, or ten duck sized horses and you don't have any weapons?
last night was soo good, so proud of the rend boys, the lads from the ministry said they wished rend had just played all nightt..they loved it!was just lovely to see them and have a good chatt..so proud of them all :)
learnt some things too..
umm the chris tomlin songg.."no chains on me, my heart's set freee.." and also the rend song "you put on our chainss, sent us out through the open doorr.."
the chains of this world, the things that are held in high regard, will have no value in eternity..i have been chasing after things that don't matter..i just realised that Jesus really is the prizee..i don't think that i fully get it, and i hope that i will continue to get it a bit moree through my life but i just want Jesus..My life is not my own, nothing i have is mine it is all a gift..i just want what Jesus wantss..i dont want my life if i have to control it...cause it will just end up as crap..worthless in eternity
Jesus will ask things of me but i will not have to do it alone..when Jesus fed the 5,000, he asked Philip and Andrew initially how they were going to feed all of the people..and they panicked, tried to find a way to do it themselves, they never once considered asking Jesus for help..then i woke up and all i could think of was Romans6v8..i didnt know what the verse was so i looked it upp.."...now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.... "
its a struggle to fight what i want sometimess..but i just know that what i want will never be right, will never be good for mee..
"my chains are goneee..i've been set freee..my God, my saviour has ransomned me...and like a flood his mercy reigns..unending lovee..amazing graceee.."
its a choicee..earthly happiness for 80yearss...or eternal joy with Jesus...
God has done so much for me..taken away what distracted my heart from him..and given me people who grow me in his will..
had some funny would you rathers with Josh and Ashley on the way homee..my personal fav...would you rather fight a horse sized duck, or ten duck sized horses and you don't have any weapons?
Friday 18 March 2011
livin the dream
this weekk...i made a bucket list for my last 4 weeks in Americaaa...
hang out with Tina's Grandma...(more than once)
meet Jill's grandparenttss..
hang out with Ashley's familyy...done this one already :)
get a tattoo..wooo
go for a really long walk...(doing this today hopefully)
have a photograph dayy..
Eat at Cracker Barrel/Bob Evans/Ihop...
See Beastly...
Have a fire nighttt..
Go see the puppies againn...
Sit on the deckchairs outside Troyer Furnituree...
so i will keep you posteddd..hopefully with some photographic evidenceee..
so yea hung out with ashleys fam this week which was just lovely :) i love meeting peoples familiesss..
Had some lads from Chicago hanging out with us this week which was nothing but hilariousss.laughed so freaking muchhh...
going to see the rend boyos tomorrow night in Kentuckyy..so will be nice to see some familiar facess..and roadtripp..woo..
got a wee letter this week in the posst from Natasha, and had some emailss which have been so encouragingg...that not only God is working here but in preparing peoples hearts..so i really dont need to be afraid of judgement :) thanks soo much for supportt
and skyped the loves of my life this week in Leedss..made me reallyy wish i was theree hanging out..danielles hair has got so long and im jealous..ahaa..but it was goodd..i love them a whollleeeee lotttt :)
its sooo warm here today its lovelyyyyy, the doors open can hear the wee birds chirpinggg..Nana and Kelly have gone away for the night which is sad..i miss theemmm..the house is awfully quiet without Tinnanananaaa...but me and jill are having cuddle time...NATT cause she hates physical contact apart from 3 strokes as a sign of affection...ha
Mark5v41 "...He took her by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum" (which means "little girl, i say to you get up")..." this is what i'm getting for my tattoo..just Talitha koum... :)
hang out with Tina's Grandma...(more than once)
meet Jill's grandparenttss..
hang out with Ashley's familyy...done this one already :)
get a tattoo..wooo
go for a really long walk...(doing this today hopefully)
have a photograph dayy..
Eat at Cracker Barrel/Bob Evans/Ihop...
See Beastly...
Have a fire nighttt..
Go see the puppies againn...
Sit on the deckchairs outside Troyer Furnituree...
so i will keep you posteddd..hopefully with some photographic evidenceee..
so yea hung out with ashleys fam this week which was just lovely :) i love meeting peoples familiesss..
Had some lads from Chicago hanging out with us this week which was nothing but hilariousss.laughed so freaking muchhh...
going to see the rend boyos tomorrow night in Kentuckyy..so will be nice to see some familiar facess..and roadtripp..woo..
got a wee letter this week in the posst from Natasha, and had some emailss which have been so encouragingg...that not only God is working here but in preparing peoples hearts..so i really dont need to be afraid of judgement :) thanks soo much for supportt
and skyped the loves of my life this week in Leedss..made me reallyy wish i was theree hanging out..danielles hair has got so long and im jealous..ahaa..but it was goodd..i love them a whollleeeee lotttt :)
its sooo warm here today its lovelyyyyy, the doors open can hear the wee birds chirpinggg..Nana and Kelly have gone away for the night which is sad..i miss theemmm..the house is awfully quiet without Tinnanananaaa...but me and jill are having cuddle time...NATT cause she hates physical contact apart from 3 strokes as a sign of affection...ha
Mark5v41 "...He took her by the hand and said to her, "Talitha koum" (which means "little girl, i say to you get up")..." this is what i'm getting for my tattoo..just Talitha koum... :)
Tuesday 15 March 2011
the church
the church, as whole...is a beautiful thing...but it is not designed to be pretty....
sian and i once had a chat about church, and one of the things that annoys her about it is that people give their testimony about how they were this broken, messed up person..and then they met Jesus and he radically changed their lives and now they are happy-go-lucky people...they miss out the part where they still struggle, still hurt and are farrrrrr from perfect..
the church should be a place where people can be honest when they are struggling..because that is true intmacy with Christ and true community..
The chruch tries so hard to be pretty and attractive, particularly to the world..we should be offensive to the world..we are not pretty, we are not perfect and we should not pretend to be. we make christianity plastic when we try to pretend that we have everything sorted..
we should not need to pretend in church...but we do.
The well do not need a doctor.
when things go wrong, that aren't in our plan, when we feel hurt..and we want to blame God, and feel like we are being punished, we are wrong. strife is God trying to draw us closer to him...i keep trying to put my trust in people because its easier than trusting God, and when i do this...those people hurt me..and thats Gods mercy. he is showing me that i can only trust in him..he will protect my heart so that i can trust people in a healthy way..God can't punish us...because Jesus was punished for us...
let me tell you about Jesus....he chose to die a horrific death..he could have come to earth as a man today...when his claims of blasphemy would not have been taken seriously, no one would care if a workmans son, claimed that he was king, no one would have thought it treason..people would have believed his signs and wonders but put them down to extreme brain training, the next derren brown..but he came when his outbursts where most offensive to as many people, the means of punishment was most cruel and the people more bloodthirsty, he lived 33 years...he could have waited till he was 50, married, had kids...lived a happy life, made the whole dying for the sins of all humanity worth his wile..but he gave it all..choose to..he was arrested illegally but made no plea, he was passed from judge to jury as people tried their best to have him killed, whilst he pointed out their illegality but made no move to correct it..and he hung from a tree..and took the punishment...he took the shame of the peadophile, the jealousy of the barren wife, the anger of the rapist, the mutiny of the murderer, the greed in the wealthy, the hatred of siblings and the gluttony of the obese...and he bled. a theif, hanging on a cross next to him, watched the light fade from his eyes, blood drain from his body, and his lungs slowly fill with liquid and saw a saviour..he spent three days seperated from his father..in intolerable pain..in a lake of burning fire where he was more alone than is comprhensible..so that you, would not have to go through it.so when you ask, if i get drunk, if i commit suicide, if i lie will i get into heaven..yes, you probably will if you've made an honest commitment, but if you've made an honest commitment..why do you disgrace him?heaven is not the prize, Jesus is...so if we love him...why do we make his agony worse when he hung on the cross?why don't we love him enough that we dont want to do these things?breaks my heart..and i hope it never stops breaking my heartt..
sian and i once had a chat about church, and one of the things that annoys her about it is that people give their testimony about how they were this broken, messed up person..and then they met Jesus and he radically changed their lives and now they are happy-go-lucky people...they miss out the part where they still struggle, still hurt and are farrrrrr from perfect..
the church should be a place where people can be honest when they are struggling..because that is true intmacy with Christ and true community..
The chruch tries so hard to be pretty and attractive, particularly to the world..we should be offensive to the world..we are not pretty, we are not perfect and we should not pretend to be. we make christianity plastic when we try to pretend that we have everything sorted..
we should not need to pretend in church...but we do.
The well do not need a doctor.
when things go wrong, that aren't in our plan, when we feel hurt..and we want to blame God, and feel like we are being punished, we are wrong. strife is God trying to draw us closer to him...i keep trying to put my trust in people because its easier than trusting God, and when i do this...those people hurt me..and thats Gods mercy. he is showing me that i can only trust in him..he will protect my heart so that i can trust people in a healthy way..God can't punish us...because Jesus was punished for us...
let me tell you about Jesus....he chose to die a horrific death..he could have come to earth as a man today...when his claims of blasphemy would not have been taken seriously, no one would care if a workmans son, claimed that he was king, no one would have thought it treason..people would have believed his signs and wonders but put them down to extreme brain training, the next derren brown..but he came when his outbursts where most offensive to as many people, the means of punishment was most cruel and the people more bloodthirsty, he lived 33 years...he could have waited till he was 50, married, had kids...lived a happy life, made the whole dying for the sins of all humanity worth his wile..but he gave it all..choose to..he was arrested illegally but made no plea, he was passed from judge to jury as people tried their best to have him killed, whilst he pointed out their illegality but made no move to correct it..and he hung from a tree..and took the punishment...he took the shame of the peadophile, the jealousy of the barren wife, the anger of the rapist, the mutiny of the murderer, the greed in the wealthy, the hatred of siblings and the gluttony of the obese...and he bled. a theif, hanging on a cross next to him, watched the light fade from his eyes, blood drain from his body, and his lungs slowly fill with liquid and saw a saviour..he spent three days seperated from his father..in intolerable pain..in a lake of burning fire where he was more alone than is comprhensible..so that you, would not have to go through it.so when you ask, if i get drunk, if i commit suicide, if i lie will i get into heaven..yes, you probably will if you've made an honest commitment, but if you've made an honest commitment..why do you disgrace him?heaven is not the prize, Jesus is...so if we love him...why do we make his agony worse when he hung on the cross?why don't we love him enough that we dont want to do these things?breaks my heart..and i hope it never stops breaking my heartt..
i like this song alot.....and i love my mum.
Sunday 13 March 2011
here's to great friends
so had a lovely day of skypes....danielle this morning which was just lovelyyy...miss my leeds family so much...and just skyped Sian which was also soo good..laughed alott..Sian wrote me a poem and i love itt..so here it isss...hahahaa
Please don’t think that I’m not here,
When I don’t find the right things to say.
Please don’t think that I don’t care,
When my words don’t make it better.
Please don’t think that I won’t catch you,
Or pick you up when you fall.
Please don’t think I won’t help you find your way,
When you meet a brick wall.
Please don’t think I EVER judge you,
Or criticise you if you get it wrong,
Please don’t believe your ever weak,
Inside, I know you’re strong.
You are greater than you could ever imagine,
Stronger than you could believe,
God’s now working wonders with you,
There’s no limit to what you can achieve.
The roads won’t always be smooth; there will be cracks along the way.
Just remember nobody said it would be easy but tomorrows a brand new day.
And when tomorrow seems way too long and no words will do,
Just call me Sophie and I’ll be there to see the night through with you.
my love never ends, it never ends
Please don’t think that I’m not here,
When I don’t find the right things to say.
Please don’t think that I don’t care,
When my words don’t make it better.
Please don’t think that I won’t catch you,
Or pick you up when you fall.
Please don’t think I won’t help you find your way,
When you meet a brick wall.
Please don’t think I EVER judge you,
Or criticise you if you get it wrong,
Please don’t believe your ever weak,
Inside, I know you’re strong.
You are greater than you could ever imagine,
Stronger than you could believe,
God’s now working wonders with you,
There’s no limit to what you can achieve.
The roads won’t always be smooth; there will be cracks along the way.
Just remember nobody said it would be easy but tomorrows a brand new day.
And when tomorrow seems way too long and no words will do,
Just call me Sophie and I’ll be there to see the night through with you.
my love never ends, it never ends
Saturday 12 March 2011
Wednesday 9 March 2011
all things work together for the good of the those who love him
soo...i've been really freaking out about what to do with my life..and today its all fallen into placee...
can't wait to get back to leeds and see my girlss...
Tuesday 8 March 2011
six weeks down five to go
writing this after a long day and i am very tiredd so this could get emotional
firstly would like to do a little shout out/thanks jobbie....so many people have messaged me about this blog, really encouraging messages and i just would like to say thanks..although sometimes i realise that alot of it is just my own meandering thoughts, and i forget that other people read it, it really nice to have people saying nice things about things i writee, both people who know me well and people who don't...my main hope is that Jesus has been glorified in it all, and that people can see the work that he has done in me...if you knew me before this trip, i was a royal mess....and i had no desire to change..part of me was coming here quite stubborn in thinking that i wouldnt change hahahaaa but i have..The people who know me really well, Sian and Ema and particularly Zoe, as we got alot closer being left in Bangorr, have been so encouraging..they know the distance i have come and the best part is, they are so entirely supportivee..i am nervous of returning to Leeds and Bangor for fear that people will remember my past and not see what God has done, these girls, who maybe don't get the whole 'christian thing' are the most supportive..and for that i will never be able to be thankful enough...and i hope that someday i can return the favour...but thank you to everyone who has messaged me, i appreciate it so much..
today we hung out with Tina's Grandma...and it was just lovelyy...she is so cutee..it made me miss my Granny but i was really humbled by herr..i hope that when i am that age, i am as trusting and as joyful...i am seriously privledged to spend time with her...i love spending time with Jill, Tina, Ashley's and Kelly's family, its lovely to see where they come from...the people who have made them who they are, i feel pretty privledged that i'm allowed to see that side of themm...i just can't explain how lovely Tina's grandma is....
thinking alot about my future and where i'm supposed to be...it's pretty scary as so many oppurtunities are being placed infront of me...arghhhhh...for once in my life theres not a whole lot holding me backk...as God has so graciously won my heart back i just want what he wants....watch this space i guess...Thats something i've been reminded about alot this week, just that passage from Zechariah 2 about the walls of Jerusalem...i God has reclaimed my heart...no one else has it..walls of fireee :)
reading Max Lucado's God Came Near....if you ever get a chance to read this i recommend it big timee...
just learning alot about selflessness, when we get upset or frustrated and worry about things, we are really focusing on ourselves and how we are drowned by the situations facing us..but if i can stop being so stupiddd..and look to God...who is much much bigger than anythingg..i will stop worryingg, stop getting upset or frustrated...remindds me of the Foy Vance song where the lyrics are "and his shoes got covered in mud...oh but he never knew, cause he only looked up..." although the song is really sad, just reminded me that if we look up, we dont see how much crap we're in...cause we're focused on what really matterrs..
"there is no fear in lovee....but perfect love drives out fear..."
1John4v18a
firstly would like to do a little shout out/thanks jobbie....so many people have messaged me about this blog, really encouraging messages and i just would like to say thanks..although sometimes i realise that alot of it is just my own meandering thoughts, and i forget that other people read it, it really nice to have people saying nice things about things i writee, both people who know me well and people who don't...my main hope is that Jesus has been glorified in it all, and that people can see the work that he has done in me...if you knew me before this trip, i was a royal mess....and i had no desire to change..part of me was coming here quite stubborn in thinking that i wouldnt change hahahaaa but i have..The people who know me really well, Sian and Ema and particularly Zoe, as we got alot closer being left in Bangorr, have been so encouraging..they know the distance i have come and the best part is, they are so entirely supportivee..i am nervous of returning to Leeds and Bangor for fear that people will remember my past and not see what God has done, these girls, who maybe don't get the whole 'christian thing' are the most supportive..and for that i will never be able to be thankful enough...and i hope that someday i can return the favour...but thank you to everyone who has messaged me, i appreciate it so much..
today we hung out with Tina's Grandma...and it was just lovelyy...she is so cutee..it made me miss my Granny but i was really humbled by herr..i hope that when i am that age, i am as trusting and as joyful...i am seriously privledged to spend time with her...i love spending time with Jill, Tina, Ashley's and Kelly's family, its lovely to see where they come from...the people who have made them who they are, i feel pretty privledged that i'm allowed to see that side of themm...i just can't explain how lovely Tina's grandma is....
thinking alot about my future and where i'm supposed to be...it's pretty scary as so many oppurtunities are being placed infront of me...arghhhhh...for once in my life theres not a whole lot holding me backk...as God has so graciously won my heart back i just want what he wants....watch this space i guess...Thats something i've been reminded about alot this week, just that passage from Zechariah 2 about the walls of Jerusalem...i God has reclaimed my heart...no one else has it..walls of fireee :)
reading Max Lucado's God Came Near....if you ever get a chance to read this i recommend it big timee...
just learning alot about selflessness, when we get upset or frustrated and worry about things, we are really focusing on ourselves and how we are drowned by the situations facing us..but if i can stop being so stupiddd..and look to God...who is much much bigger than anythingg..i will stop worryingg, stop getting upset or frustrated...remindds me of the Foy Vance song where the lyrics are "and his shoes got covered in mud...oh but he never knew, cause he only looked up..." although the song is really sad, just reminded me that if we look up, we dont see how much crap we're in...cause we're focused on what really matterrs..
"there is no fear in lovee....but perfect love drives out fear..."
1John4v18a
Monday 7 March 2011
Friday 4 March 2011
unhinderedd
started reading another of Francis Chan's books, Forgotten God...its about the Holy Spirit and how so often we ignore it...
I'm just reading about following God's plan for our life, and its pretty relevant for me because i'm questioning quite alot what to do with myself..Chan explains how so often we miss God's plan for today, by questioning the future..we should be ready to follow the Holy Spirits guidance for this very second and worry about the future when it comes to it..
then he talks about David in 2 Samuel 6:14, 20-23
"David, wearing a linen ephod danced before the Lord with all his mightt.."
a linen ephod...is priestly underwear! David was so unhindered by the Holy Spirit in his worship of the Lord that he danced about in his knicks...with alll his might!hahaa..i love this so muchh..he didn't care one bit what anyone thought about him, and he is challenged on it..Michal, Saul's daughter calls him a "vulgar fellow" that he has disgraced himself in the eyes of God and his people...but David replies "It was before the Lord who chose me, rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord's people Israel - I will celebrate before the Lord, I will become even more undignified than this, and i will be humiliated in my own eyess.." AMEN
some other new thingss...Ashleyyyy changed my fb password so that i cannot get on..so if anyone wants to contact mee..for this week at least eitherr skypee sophie-lennon orrr my email is soph_02@hotmail.co.uk ...i felt the need to constantly check it...initially i challenged myself that i had to spend the same amount of time on fb as with Jesus but i realised it wasn't the fact that i was spending a whole lot of time on it, i would just reply to comments and messages and sign out...but i just wanted to check it all the time..not necessary..so i'm fasting off that for a little bitt...Also took my nose ring outt..had kind of been thinking about taking it out for a little bit..felt like it and the shaved head where as close as i could get to writing f**k off on my forehead, at the time, thats what i wanted to do..but thats not who i am anymore..so took it out as we spent a fair amount of time with the Amish people this week, particularly Tina's family and not that i think they would care a whole lot but just out of respect..so i took it out :)
I'm just reading about following God's plan for our life, and its pretty relevant for me because i'm questioning quite alot what to do with myself..Chan explains how so often we miss God's plan for today, by questioning the future..we should be ready to follow the Holy Spirits guidance for this very second and worry about the future when it comes to it..
then he talks about David in 2 Samuel 6:14, 20-23
"David, wearing a linen ephod danced before the Lord with all his mightt.."
a linen ephod...is priestly underwear! David was so unhindered by the Holy Spirit in his worship of the Lord that he danced about in his knicks...with alll his might!hahaa..i love this so muchh..he didn't care one bit what anyone thought about him, and he is challenged on it..Michal, Saul's daughter calls him a "vulgar fellow" that he has disgraced himself in the eyes of God and his people...but David replies "It was before the Lord who chose me, rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord's people Israel - I will celebrate before the Lord, I will become even more undignified than this, and i will be humiliated in my own eyess.." AMEN
some other new thingss...Ashleyyyy changed my fb password so that i cannot get on..so if anyone wants to contact mee..for this week at least eitherr skypee sophie-lennon orrr my email is soph_02@hotmail.co.uk ...i felt the need to constantly check it...initially i challenged myself that i had to spend the same amount of time on fb as with Jesus but i realised it wasn't the fact that i was spending a whole lot of time on it, i would just reply to comments and messages and sign out...but i just wanted to check it all the time..not necessary..so i'm fasting off that for a little bitt...Also took my nose ring outt..had kind of been thinking about taking it out for a little bit..felt like it and the shaved head where as close as i could get to writing f**k off on my forehead, at the time, thats what i wanted to do..but thats not who i am anymore..so took it out as we spent a fair amount of time with the Amish people this week, particularly Tina's family and not that i think they would care a whole lot but just out of respect..so i took it out :)
Thursday 3 March 2011
psalm 57
if you've never read it, you should...it makes me crryy..
v1b..for in you my soul takes refugee......and it really doess..we make life awfully complicatedd..but my heart and my soul take refuge in God...
v2...i cry out to God most high, to God who fulfills his purpose for me......i think being able to cry out to God is one of the most humbling things..i often cry out to Godd..for help and peace and joy when i am lacking, and he actually cares..its so amazingg..also find it pretty comforting that no matter how many little detours i try to take, God will fulfill his purpose for me..
v7...my heart is steadfast O God, my heart is steadfast....this is my prayer that my heart will become more and more cemented in God...its all i want...nothing my flesh wants is right or good..i want what he wants..and as much as i want of him, i want it alll, he wants me too, all of me..
v11.....Be exalted, O God above the heavens.....no matter what, may everything bring glory to God, i dont care about what i want or how i lookk..i want it to bring glory to God...
"i'm running to your arms
i'm running to your arms
the riches of your love
will always be enough"
v1b..for in you my soul takes refugee......and it really doess..we make life awfully complicatedd..but my heart and my soul take refuge in God...
v2...i cry out to God most high, to God who fulfills his purpose for me......i think being able to cry out to God is one of the most humbling things..i often cry out to Godd..for help and peace and joy when i am lacking, and he actually cares..its so amazingg..also find it pretty comforting that no matter how many little detours i try to take, God will fulfill his purpose for me..
v7...my heart is steadfast O God, my heart is steadfast....this is my prayer that my heart will become more and more cemented in God...its all i want...nothing my flesh wants is right or good..i want what he wants..and as much as i want of him, i want it alll, he wants me too, all of me..
v11.....Be exalted, O God above the heavens.....no matter what, may everything bring glory to God, i dont care about what i want or how i lookk..i want it to bring glory to God...
i'm running to your arms
the riches of your love
will always be enough"
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