writing this after a long day and i am very tiredd so this could get emotional
firstly would like to do a little shout out/thanks jobbie....so many people have messaged me about this blog, really encouraging messages and i just would like to say thanks..although sometimes i realise that alot of it is just my own meandering thoughts, and i forget that other people read it, it really nice to have people saying nice things about things i writee, both people who know me well and people who don't...my main hope is that Jesus has been glorified in it all, and that people can see the work that he has done in me...if you knew me before this trip, i was a royal mess....and i had no desire to change..part of me was coming here quite stubborn in thinking that i wouldnt change hahahaaa but i have..The people who know me really well, Sian and Ema and particularly Zoe, as we got alot closer being left in Bangorr, have been so encouraging..they know the distance i have come and the best part is, they are so entirely supportivee..i am nervous of returning to Leeds and Bangor for fear that people will remember my past and not see what God has done, these girls, who maybe don't get the whole 'christian thing' are the most supportive..and for that i will never be able to be thankful enough...and i hope that someday i can return the favour...but thank you to everyone who has messaged me, i appreciate it so much..
today we hung out with Tina's Grandma...and it was just lovelyy...she is so cutee..it made me miss my Granny but i was really humbled by herr..i hope that when i am that age, i am as trusting and as joyful...i am seriously privledged to spend time with her...i love spending time with Jill, Tina, Ashley's and Kelly's family, its lovely to see where they come from...the people who have made them who they are, i feel pretty privledged that i'm allowed to see that side of themm...i just can't explain how lovely Tina's grandma is....
thinking alot about my future and where i'm supposed to be...it's pretty scary as so many oppurtunities are being placed infront of me...arghhhhh...for once in my life theres not a whole lot holding me backk...as God has so graciously won my heart back i just want what he wants....watch this space i guess...Thats something i've been reminded about alot this week, just that passage from Zechariah 2 about the walls of Jerusalem...i God has reclaimed my heart...no one else has it..walls of fireee :)
reading Max Lucado's God Came Near....if you ever get a chance to read this i recommend it big timee...
just learning alot about selflessness, when we get upset or frustrated and worry about things, we are really focusing on ourselves and how we are drowned by the situations facing us..but if i can stop being so stupiddd..and look to God...who is much much bigger than anythingg..i will stop worryingg, stop getting upset or frustrated...remindds me of the Foy Vance song where the lyrics are "and his shoes got covered in mud...oh but he never knew, cause he only looked up..." although the song is really sad, just reminded me that if we look up, we dont see how much crap we're in...cause we're focused on what really matterrs..
"there is no fear in lovee....but perfect love drives out fear..."
1John4v18a
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