a series of unfortunate events

here's what i'm scared of
that i'll turn up and you won't be there
or you'll be late and i'll have to sit by myself
that no one will speak to me
that i won't be wearing the right thing
that i have food in my teeth
that you'll be nice to my face but next week i'll hear that you've said something different
that i'll make a mistake
that you won't believe my side of the story
sometimes i'm scared that it'll rain while i'm walking there
why?
cause it's happened
i am sure that everyone has had a bad experience in church
hands up?
yea thought so..
so here is what i would rather do
not go
judge you first
stamp F.U on my forehead
why?
cause i do not want to be hurt
i don't want to be stood up
i do not want to make an effort to have it thrown in my face
i don't want to get wet
so who looses out?
me
i thought i could do it by myself
because if i have to do it with people, i am going to be disappointed
a brilliant person i once knew, said i was a passionate girl
but this meant a girl of extremes
if you are my friend i trust you
i hold you closely to my heart
so if you hurt me
it freaking hurts
but i will forgive.....eventually
and when i do its really done
but the trust is maybe a little broken
and this has happened over and over and over
so i am left, not having a great view of people
in particular, christians
but now i am trying to change that
God told me i had to trust him and trust his people
so i did
and i have been blessed ABUNDANTLY
so i challenged myself
and realized i was wrong
and then i realized i was even wronger
my preconceptions are not an excuse
and if i would learn to love God first then people
i wouldn't be in this position
you have to love God first
so you can love people with his love
not your love
cause its crappy
sorry, but it is
its easily offended and its weak
it doesn't understand and it has mood swings
Gods love is constant
unfaltering and fair
passionate and deserving
love God then love people

God first.....always